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TOTALLY HAPPENING TOTALLY OVER IT
Unwanted Pregnancies. Pro-life groups and their allies in the House successfully lobbied to against a provision in the Obama stimulus package that would have extended contraception coverage to more women. According to representatives who were against the provision, unwanted pregnancies have nothing to do with the economy. Okay...
 Unwanted Lesbians. A California court ruled that a private Lutheran school had the right to expel two female students for "having a bond of intimacy" that was "characteristic of a lesbian relationship." The court went on to say that the girls' behavior should be monitored carefully to determine if the relationship is merely a phase, and that it would be more than happy to oversee any further expressions of said bond in the interest of judicial prudence.
The War on Frog's Legs. Worldwide appetite for frog meat has begun to threaten the species, with an estimated 200 million to 1 billion frogs eaten each year. Scientists say it's still ok to lick and kiss them, though. The War on Roquefort. As if the whole "freedom fries" thing wasn't bad enough, now we find out that the former Bush administration had a problem with smelly French cheese, too. How will they ever forgive us?

Dress for the Job You Want. A Mad Men-inspired clothing line is in the works, according to the show's costume designer Janie Bryant. Of course, must-have accessories like shameless sexism and lung cancer will be sold separately. Dress with the Dead Porcupine You Found. A designer in Vancouver has developed a high-end line of sustainable jewelry and other accessories made from roadkill. So now you can wear an animal carcass and feel great about it! Gas mask and rabies vaccine sold separately.