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We hear plenty about how money shouldn't matter in a relationship (except, apparently, in bed), so you'd think a crop of successful women would feel secure about cash. They'd never dream of a man "rescuing" them financially, right?

But editor Hilary Black discovered that's not always the case. In her collection of essays, "The Secret Currency of Love," several women writers candidly discuss how money has affected their relationships. We talked to Black about the intense -- but too often hush-hush -- connection between money and love.

Q: What factors determine how you deal with money?
A: Upbringing seems to be the single most crucial factor in determining one's financial persona. Watching the way our parents spent money -- were they profligate or thrifty, showy or understated -- tends to cut deep and goes a long way toward establishing our financial values as adults.

As the stories in my book show, there is often a tension between embracing these inherited attitudes and rejecting them. In one piece, for example, a woman struggles with her attraction to men in low-paying professions, because she was raised to look for a mate who would provide for her financially.

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Q: In the book, the relationships where the man didn't have money seemed more passionate -- at least at first -- than the ones where he did. Is it possible to have both passion and planning in a relationship?
A: I don't believe that the two are mutually exclusive. Love is an intensely subjective experience. What attracts one person may repel the next.

For example, in the book, one woman writes about being the permanent breadwinner in her romantic relationship, while another decides not to marry a rich investment banker. In the end, what makes a relationship work is a unique combination of financial and emotional chemistry.

Q: Some women seemed fearful of having money or of spending it on what they truly wanted. This doesn't seem to be an issue with most men. Why?
A: I think it's something of a generalization to say that women are less secure about their spending decisions than men. In fact, from editing this book I learned that women's attitudes about money are just as complex and elusive as men's -- and are governed by a wide variety of factors.

Culturally, for example, it's just as likely that women will be characterized as thrifty guardians of the family purse as shopaholic spendthrifts. One of my aims in gathering the stories for this book was to challenge such reductive ideas about women and money.

Q: Divorce rates climb during recessions. What kind of money issues do you think couples are fighting about right now?
A: In an abysmal economy like this one, nerves are frayed as careers and standards of living are threatened. Money issues – already the backdrop for many relationship battles -- become heightened. It's scary for a couple to contemplate an uncertain future -- and more often than not, they take out their fears on each other. There are many women in my book who explore these kinds of issues.

One has radically different spending habits than her husband. Another considers leaving her husband when he loses his job. Still another micromanaged her husband's finances and almost destroyed her marriage. In the end, one thing remains constant: Money affects personal relationships in subtle, often thorny ways.

Q: What advice do you have about how women should approach money both individually and in a relationship?
A: The most important thing is for women to take responsibility for their financial destinies -- both in a relationship and individually. In the current economy, it's just not smart to assume a man will take care of you, and I believe that women who subscribe to that notion are dooming themselves to a life of unhappiness.

In the end, the best way to navigate money issues is, above all, to be honest -- and if you're in a relationship, to contribute both emotionally and financially to help support the partnership.

Tell us! Who wears the wallet in your couple? Has money ever ruined -- or rocked -- one of your relationships?

Ten Dumbest Money Mistakes

    Mistake #1: Being Ashamed to Invest Small Amounts
    With this attitude, you'll never save anything. What is small to one investor may be huge to another.
    Solution: Begin saving something from your next paycheck. The dollar amount is not important. Developing the habit of saving is.

    From "How to Invest $50-$100" by Nancy Dunnan, ©2007, Collins.

    Ms L, Flickr

    Mistake #2: Having Inadequate Emergency Savings
    Without this nest egg you could wind up deeply in debt.
    Solution: Stash three to six months' worth of living expenses in a money market fund or bank CD.

    From "How to Invest $50-$100" by Nancy Dunnan, ©2007, Collins.

    Malingering, Flickr

    Mistake #3: Leaving Cash in a Bank Savings Account
    The interest rate is far too low.
    Solution: Move it immediately to a money market fund, money market deposit account, or online bank.

    From "How to Invest $50-$100" by Nancy Dunnan, ©2007, Collins.

    nicora, Flickr

    Mistake #4: Operating Too Many Accounts
    If you have several bank accounts, a number of mutual funds, and brokerage accounts, you're spending too much on service fees. And it's way too difficult to keep track of rates, prices, and other details.
    Solution: Consolidate. Have one checking account, two or three mutual funds, and one brokerage account.

    From "How to Invest $50-$100" by Nancy Dunnan, ©2007, Collins.

    trp0, Flickr

    Mistake #5: Confusing Income with Appreciation
    If you don't know what an investment is for, you're likely to hold or sell the wrong thing. Do not expect growth stocks and growth mutual funds to pay high dividends or income. Do not expect CDs or bonds to rise in price.
    Solution: Read up on these.


    From "How to Invest $50-$100" by Nancy Dunnan, ©2007, Collins.

    phantom kitty, Flickr

    Mistake #6: Avoiding Financial Goal Setting
    Yogi Berra said it best: "If you don't know where you're going, you're probably going to wind up someplace else." Most people devote more time planning their vacations than their financial future. Consequently, they spend as much or more on cruises, airline tickets, and hotels than they do funding their retirement accounts or building up a nest egg.
    Solution: Set just one or two specific goals. Write them down and discuss them with a stockbroker or financial adviser.

    From "How to Invest $50-$100" by Nancy Dunnan, ©2007, Collins.

    ClintJCL, Flickr

    Mistake #7: Failing to Diversify
    It's tempting to put all your money in one place because it's convenient and easy. No investment is ever sufficiently profitable or safe to justify this lazy approach.
    Solution: Divide your assets among CDs, money market funds, stocks, bonds, Treasuries, and real estate.

    From "How to Invest $50-$100" by Nancy Dunnan, ©2007, Collins.

    dashananda, Flickr

    Mistake #8: Procrastinating
    Most of us put off making financial decisions because we're afraid we'll do the wrong thing.
    Solution: Set time deadlines and take several small, easy investment steps, one at a time. For example, if you have $3,000 on hand in week number one, put one-third into a money market fund. The next week, buy a bank CD. The following week, use the remaining amount to buy shares of a blue chip mutual fund.

    From "How to Invest $50-$100" by Nancy Dunnan, ©2007, Collins.

    jetalone, Flickr

    Mistake #9: Ignoring Savings Plans at Work
    Tax-deferred 401(k) or stock purchase plans are good deals, especially if your company matches your contribution. So are automatic EE Savings Bond programs.
    Solution: Talk to your benefits officer this Monday.

    From "How to Invest $50-$100" by Nancy Dunnan, ©2007, Collins.

    Ms L, Flickr

    Mistake #10: Failing to Have a Will
    If you care about the other people in your life, keep an updated will.
    Solution: Call your lawyer this week.

    From "How to Invest $50-$100" by Nancy Dunnan, ©2007, Collins.

    sean dreilinger, Flickr