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You go to dinner once a week; you've met each other's friends; he was your date to your cousin's wedding.Yet if people ask if he's your boyfriend, you don't have a quick answer. "Is he?" you wonder. You hadn't quite gotten around to that conversation yet.
When is the appropriate time to bring up your relationship status? You don't want to scare him off by bringing it up too quickly, and actually, maybe you aren't even sure if you want him to be your boyfriend. "Boyfriend" is so official-sounding.
I happen to think that three months is make-or-break/poo-or-get-off-the-pot territory, but it's not unheard of for people to "date" for six months or longer without ever bringing up the "state of our union" address.
So tell me, when (or how) did you decide that your de facto boyfriend is your in fact boyfriend? And how did you start the DTR (define-the-relationship) talk with him?
Jennifer S. is Lemondrop's resident dating and relationship blogger.
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Thursday 22 January
By Kelly
My boyfriend and I decided to become "official" only after about two weeks of dating. We were about to go out together to a large family gathering and i'd be meeting a lot of his relatives for the first time. He just came out and asked "Can I introduce you as my girlfriend?" and I said yes. Now we've been together for over 2 years.
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Thursday 22 January
By Cindy
My boyfriend and I had been dating about two months. We had decided after about three weeks that we wanted to be exclusive. It was actually him that bought up the "where do you want this relationship to go" talk. I've already met his kids, his family, his parents and all his friends. And he has met my kids and friends and some family. It was never really a big deal. We just clicked and knew it was right.
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Friday 23 January
By amdela80
I'm in the opposite boat. Been dating an awesome guy for about 2 months. My friends call him my bf. We haven't had the talk, and I don't think we will, as I'm leaving the country in April. Fate hates me - of course I meet a wonderful man as I get ready to leave!!
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Friday 30 January
By dumbbrunette
My weird story:
I've been seeing this older guy for almost five years. I've only met his mom three years ago during graduation (uhm, mom, this is dumbbrun). he's about 10 years older (i went to college with him; in his case, its a second degree) he ignored me the entire ceremony.
we've been friends for far longer than we've been going out. he's really shy and quiet and serious and mysterious. we deny that we're boyfriend-girlfriend but our circle of friends see through everything. they say that he must really like me coz he's not seeing anyone else. it's just that he's not into commitment.
his older brother says that he's afraid of the L word coz it will mean that he'll be responsible for me and he wants to live up to that. he thinks that my family has a higher standard of living than theirs (rich girl - poor guy).
i dont mind, but apparently, he does. he won't say a thing about it but he has been dropping hints about getting a better job and saving money. his pride is already intimidated as it is, so i don't confront him about it.
even though he takes care of me, i keep reminding myself that, officially, we're still frienefits. I'll never drop the L bomb until he does. i'm not ready for the commitment either. i'm only 22. but i must admit he does make me happy.
five years maybe too long for most people, but we're just riding things out. he's giving me time and i'm giving him time.
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Monday 02 February
By Meg
I've never really had such a talk with my boyfriend. He's actually my first real boyfriend, and we were friends for a year before we decided to date. Because we already care about each other, it was automatically an "I'm seeing you and only you" sort of thing (and I can't understand a relationship being otherwise). As for the L word, he actually said it before me, which made me a little uncomfortable. It was pretty soon in our relationship, and I felt a little bit forced to say it back. We're having a wonderful and very serious relationship now, I just think that people should wait a while before claiming their love, even if you've been acquainted for a while.
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Friday 06 February
By Phil
First off, let me thank you soooo much for posting about this, because it is a very common concern amongst people all ages and creeds... My personal opinion is geared mostly towards relationships between two men because I am gay, but I don't think that should make too much of a difference considering there really isn't much of a difference between a heterosexual relationship and that of a homosexual relationship...
Personally, I think it all depends on the person that you're "dating" I have had both experiences where after the first night he wanted to date me, and then there were experiences where it had been nearly three years where we had been exclusive to one another, yet never really uncovered the true nature behind our relationship. I believe it all depends on your own comfort levels, but obviously if the conversation comes off too soon, then he will tell you. Or vice versa, should he breach the subject of your upspoken bond, and you aren't ready just tell him, that as of right now, you want to get to know him better, as to better appreciate him and what he has to offer. (Giving his ego a little stroke is the best way to get him off the trail, if you personally aren't sure just yet ;- ) ...
Most of all, be honest with him, most men at least from my own experience with gay and straight men alike, they prefer and appreciate a woman who can be honest, without entirely having to sugar-coat anything. They want to be held on the same level and in the same respect and regards they would show you. A let down should be direct and honest, yet not with the same heeding of an arguement waiting to happen.
I would rely on your own personal feelings on the subject, if you feel within the first few nights of getting together and talking, that you want to become and item, then bring up the subject, should this be the case, proceed with caution. Be ready and understand that the answer you get may not be the one your want at that particular moment, but also realize that he is being honest with you about his feelings and respect them.
Keep in mind that should he say he just wants to be friends, that he may just need some time to think things through don't push the envelope, but the occassional flirtation never hurts, just to give him a reminder of what he's missing out on... ;- )
Stay strong all,
Phil
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Sunday 08 February
By Chris
We have been dating a few weeks. He uses the term "we are friends" We really like each other and we agreed to take things slow. Can any man tell me what this term means exactly. I have been out of the loop almost 4 years.
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Monday 27 July
By LB
I would like to know that when a guy is mentioning the frase We are Friends after he tried to propose you.he is now postponing the Official hook-up as couple but instead trying see me everyday. what does that mean?
Tuesday 10 February
By lulwut?
i was with this girl for like 3 months before she even wanted a relationship, if you're a guy and "push" relationships just wait, it works out just act like your not interested in a relationship and she will become curios and think about if she wants one or not ;]
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Tuesday 03 March
By msenicole11
Ok, so ive been dating someone for about a month but we've known each other for over a year. We're both kinda shy and silly so we've actually been liking each other since we met but we're just getting around to admitting it. Anyway, we expressed where we wanted 'it' to go: a serious relationship. However, neither of us have said when it will happen. But i'm fine with it right now. As long as it doesn't take forever, I can take my time with him. He's so dreamy!
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Monday 02 May
By Sara
I have been dating this guy for a couple months now, We see each other EVERYDAY, I have met almost all of his family.. We never spend a night apart, whether it be at my house or his. I havent met his kids yet, but thats a tad bit more complicated. I have made it very clear that I want to be in a relationship with him and he just keep saying, "what will it chage" it changes alot, it makes it official.. I dont know what to do, or how much longer I can play bf/gf without it actually meaning something. I feel like I look dumb to everyone for being with this guy and calling him babe, and posting lovey dovey pics and all that fun stuff, but Im still single on fb. suggestions?
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Friday 12 August
By jessica
I've been seeing this guy for almost four months. He's met my family members yet I Havnt met any of his. I'm with him all the time and I feel like he's my boyfriend but with out the title. Yes, the title makes a difference. I'd hate to bring up his ex but he posted his relationship status and pics with her on his FB and that makes me think he's embarrassed of me. Whenever were out he says I'm his "friend" if anybody asks. In my head I think I don't sleep with my friends. It makes me feel like he doesn't want anybody to know about what we have. Although I have mentioned in the past that I don't want a relationship, that was months ago. I try to bring it up but then I get timid. I'm afraid of rejection but I'm tired of being insecure about where I stand.
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