Veronica Cho: Dear G20 Leaders
You probably give better advice than most paid advice columnists, right? Well, our friend Matt is ready to take you up on that. Leave a comment with your advice.Matt's question: "I've dated girls from several different walks of life, but one type that I've never dated is the one I'm most attracted to! The 'type' of girl I'm referring to is the 'girl next door' -- a normal girl who could melt your heart with her cute smile.
"It's not for a lack of trying: I'm extremely outgoing and almost always flirting. I think I'm attractive and confident, but I fear that I'm not the type of guy they find attractive. Instead, I always find myself dating the arty, edgy girls.
"Can anyone offer me insight to my dilemma?"
Ladies, let's help him out. How can Matt meet the right girl?
About our Charity Case: Matt is a bike messenger living in Philadelphia. He loves to go dancing and meets tons of girls on the dance floor, but not many that are girlfriend-worthy. He used to have a bunch of piercings but recently grew up and decided to take (most of) them out.
Comments:
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Tuesday 13 January
By cj
For YOU the girl nextdoor IS arty and edgy because that's where you live, work and play. If you want to meet the type of girl that lives next door to you in the mid west or 1955 - that's a lot harder to find and I don't think she's real. She's just an imaginary ideal that doesn't really exist. You say you haven't dated one, but have you ever even met one? Odds are, not where you live. Why would you want that kind of girl anyway. Snoresville. Are you going to sit around and watch every single episode of American Idol? Because I guarantee you that's what this girl wants. She also likes TGIFridays and romantic comedies... Remember PS I Love You? What, you don't? Well you would, if you were dating a girl next door type. It's just a hunch but that doesn't seem to be your lifestyle. Find yourself a "girl next door" and you'll be bored and back to artsy in no time. The grass is always greener but sometimes there's poop in the greener grass. Stick to the girl that is actually next door to you. The other kind is like a unicorn, she doesn't really exist.
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Tuesday 13 January
By Dingo
Nice reply cj. Very insightful. I am a graduate student type(many graduate students are girl next door types!!). I find arty and edgy guys completely intimidating. I suppose that is because while I have been in school all these years, they have been out and about experiencing the world and fine tuning their image. I would never want to be with somebody who will always feel cooler than me.
Monday 19 January
By Connie
Haha. It's true. I've been told I'm one of those goody-toe shoes girls and those are exactly the things we are into. And it gets boring even for us.
Tuesday 13 January
By lampton
find the right girl? don't look for one.. wait for lightnin to strike.. much more exciting than dating.. disclosure, i've been single 8 years so don't take my advice..
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Wednesday 14 January
By amdela80
An easy fix - stop believing you're only attractive to artsy girls. If you're intimidated by girl-next-door types, it may be you think they're out of league, and they're like predators with blood in the water, they can sense this from you. Seriously tho, if you feel they're out of your league, you'll act less confident, and not attract them.
Second thing - why not take a close look at what is that attracts yo so much to next door types. Maybe the same qualities you find attractive in them are found in artsy girls, you just haven't been looking properly.
And third - screw having a type! By defining a type that you prefer, you set unrealistic expectations for women of that type, and not of that type. Why not make a list of qualities you desire in any type of woman, and look for that instead? You know, look for a loyal, funny, and whip-smart woman, instead of the generic girl-next-door type?
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Thursday 15 January
By Sarah
Those "arty-edgy" girls often grow up to become down to earth types. I was "edgy" at 17, now a stay at home mom at 31, everyone thinks my life is like a 50s sitcom. These girls are in a developmental stage, earning the life experience they need to become insightful as adults. Obviously you went through the same changes when you "grew up" and took out your piercings. So, now that you are an adult, why not act your age and start looking for relationships in book clubs (or other special interest discussion groups) instead of dance clubs?
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Thursday 15 January
By kt
Perhaps look at changing up your interests a bit to bring in things that the "girl next door" types might like. Something tells me girls next door probably don't watch American Idol...but they might like to take in a pro or semi-pro sporting event. That opens up baseball, basketball, football, hockey game, moto-cross, etc. as possibilities. Other options - rollerblading or bike riding by the river, good movies (not necessarily romantic comedies either) or maybe even an art gallery *lol*.
How about this? Find one of those "girl next door" types and become friends. Hang out together. Learn her likes and dislikes. At minimum you'll gain another friend. And at best well...the sky's probably the limit.
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Friday 16 January
By Mary
Stick with artsy / edgy girls Matt, a REAL girl next door is not what you want. I don't want to compete with you in a fashion show, nor do I want to share jewelry repair tips and tricks. I'm old-fashioned and want to feel safe and protected by a "jock" or a "stud". You need the manic attention of the artsy type. I know guys like you seem sweet, but I just can't get over the whole "look at me" attitude. Your best chance at getting the girl next door would probably involve shaving, cutting that mullet and getting a car.
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Saturday 17 January
By jessica
I consider myself a "normal girl-next-door" type. Maybe you should try and meet someone in unexpected places.. like stores.. girls love to shop.. I always go to barnes and noble.. I snowboard.. go to concerts...watch the eagles.. go to the phillies game.. love the beach.. traveling.. going out to eat.. running/walking...I have a boyfriend but if I were single... I wouldn't think it was weird if a guy came up to me doing any of those things.. I very rarely go out to bars... I drink I just dont go out to bars with friends that often. I love a guy who shops by himself.. and at the same stores I like.. jcrew.. banana republic.. because that tells me he's my type in terms of "the look" i'm going for.
I grew up in the cherry hill area... right outside of phila so I know it. Phila is very urban and artsy but I do know very normal girl next door people who live there.. they are just harder to find in the city bc the majority of the ppl living there are the type that you are not looking for. sometimes things just happen when you least expect them.. good luck!
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Friday 16 January
By Bratt
Hey Matt...Move in next to me!!! we can see what's up!!
;)
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Sunday 18 January
By HipCat
Girl-next-door types don't go to bars or go out dancing. The best way to meet one is at church. Seriously. Lots of churches have active singles groups. The GND wants a stable relationship and probably a guy with a steady career and a car. It's ok if it's eco-friendly. Also consider book clubs.
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Sunday 18 January
By ang
Shave. Get off your Ten Speed. Then lose the Phillies hat. See a barbor. Maybe hit the gym. The girl next door doesn't want a ugly skinny punk.
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Sunday 18 January
By TC
Well, there is really no such thing as the "girl next door" and it is really a bit too broad. Yeah, there are some nice girls out there you would feel okay bringing home to your mama but these girls all have there own personalities. There is more to a woman than being "nice" and "traditional".
Another word of advice is location location location! You are not going to find the girls you want in a dance club. Go to the club to have fun, not pick up girls. Find other hang outs that might interest you. A first thought of a hang out when it comes to girl next door is church or a library but you don't have to hang out there if it's not your style. For all you know, the right girl could be there the next time you get on an elevator or standing in line behind you at the coffee shop.
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Sunday 18 January
By Jaki
i guess the only advice i can give is to try going a for a girl you wouldnt expect to be "the girl next door". you might surprise yourself finding out that you werent really looking for the girl next door at all.
;]
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Sunday 18 January
By Tori
Girl Next Door, to you, what is the girl next door. Are you the guy next door type? That's what they are looking for, a stable, fun, sometimes crazy, dependable, honest, loyal, caring, everything your looking for in this girl next door type. I was that type and came from Phila. Went to school at night, I took counseling, met my husband there in one of the classes. It's been 6 years and perfect we aren't but as near as possible. Actually, God directed me to his humor and kindness. Really wasn't the type of would of looked to date, but if God directed it, it had to be worth a try. Well a try has turned into a for life, be what your looking for and see the difference.
Good luck and God Bless
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Sunday 18 January
By Sean
Matt,
I'm also looking for a genuine and pleasant woman in these parts (philly), but it's tough. My advice to you is to travel to Europe, and check out the girls there. I spent a year in Ireland and it was the best romantic time I've ever had. They were fun to be with, sexy, not stuck up, and down to Earth. Some of the time I wouldn't even have to approach them, they would come up to me. Every single girl I've ever met at a bar or dance club here has turned out to be either completely self centered, rude, or crazy. I think our society is churning out girls who have the "me me me" mindset and we're forced to bend over backwards just to get some attention. We shouldn't humiliate ourselves like that.
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Sunday 18 January
By TCM
I'm the girl next door with a bit of edge.
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Sunday 18 January
By Lish
Don't kee looking for her. let her find you. If God wants you to be with that type of girl he will lead her to you...
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Sunday 18 January
By raiders106
Just be yourself. The girl will find you, hit up some new places and have fun. A girl is always looking for a confident guy, and it wouldn't hurt for you to make the first move, in fact most girls like that. Enjoy life and always look good.
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Monday 19 January
By james erwin
no. do not shave, etc. be yourself. dont rush it, be who you are, where you are. you'll meet someone who likes the you that you are. go out with the intention of getting met, not meeting. maybe something will happen.
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