We hear it all the time: Marry for love, not money.
That's easy to nod your head at when your significant other has, among all his other wonderful attributes, a decent job. But take employment out of the equation and you might just be scratching your head wondering, Why am I with him, again?
You're not a major jerk if you've felt this way. Money is a big deal for many, and if your lifestyle is impacted by financial setbacks, you're going to whine a little.
"If a woman marries a man expecting him to be the primary financial provider and he agrees to attempt to fulfill this role -- however they define that together -- then it's reasonable for her to assume he will make efforts toward fulfilling this bargain," says Debra Mandel, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of "Dump That Chump!"
(That's not to say breaking up is the instant answer -- for many, the economy's downturn makes it harder to end a marriage.)
Recession-Proof Your Relationship
If you and your partner are struggling, it's best to try to view your crappy cash circumstances as temporary and not something that will impact you for the rest of your life, Dr. Mandel says. And make sure you don't have unrealistic expectations. The current economy might not allow you to be a trophy wife.
When should you consider jumping ship? If your partner has little ambition or your financial visions start to drift far apart you should probably reconsider the relationship. If you want to get your Ph.D., work at an Ivy League university and own two homes while your significant other is content to work retail and rent an apartment for the rest of his life, you may need to find someone more suitable.
How else can you keep your relationship in the right gear in a recession? Duh -- have sex, says Ian Kerner, Ph.D. sex therapist and relationship counselor. As crappy as things might seem, extra emphasis on lovin' will keep you two close. And besides, sex is free.
Tell us: Would a change in finances change your feelings about your partner?
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Friday 02 January
By Bella
Depends on how the guy reacts to the change in finances. If he's lazy & immature about it then I'd probably feel less attracted to him. However, if he stays responsible and handles it well then I wouldn't change how I felt towards him. However it would probably change my view of the future of the relationship. I wouldn't love the man less but I might start to question if this is what I could handle or want to for my life. That puts a burden on the relationship and it might be strssful.
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Sunday 01 March
By Tim
Every statement in your post is a contradiction of the previous one. Either you're willing to work at the relationship with your partner through the good times AND the bad times (assuming no mistreatment of any kind going on) or you're not. Either you're loyal to your partner or you're not. ALL relationships take work and have obstacles to overcome (financial and otherwise). If every reasonable effort is made and the relationship still fails, so be it. But if you're going to just jump ship at the first sign of a problem, then don't even bother entering into a relationship. You can't have it both ways, and then sit there wondering why when a good relationship ends badly.
Monday 05 January
By kaeli77371
What do you do when your husband works about 3 months out of the year, puts you into debt for a vehicle you can't afford but he wants for himself and then doesn't work for nearly a year, not because he couldn't work but because he said if he couldn't make the money he was used to making he wasn't going to take something paying less. We wound up losing our home, credit and he finally lost his 40,000.00 truck. Needless to say he also lost his wife. If it were a situation where the circumstances were beyond his control I would have stayed but I couldn't see staying in those conditions.
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