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So, a friend of mine and I were discussing the friends-with-benefits conundrum one day last week, and we wondered: Does having a friend-with-benefits (aka, comfy sex partner, steady booty call, eff buddy, hookup, what-have-you) impede you from moving on and meeting other people? I believe it does, but she wasn't sure enough to give it up entirely.The way I see it, comfy sex results in a habit that's pretty hard to break: You go out, you meet up, you have sex, and you go home. Actually, you can just start with meeting up -- no going out required.
The fact that it's always available, almost like a 24-hour McDonald's, causes you to fall back on it rather than going for something you really want. For instance, you might really want a filet mignon for dinner, but Micky D's is easy, accessible (even has a drive-thru), and steak is just so much ... work.
A friend-with-benefits renders you no longer willing to go that extra mile to meet new people and find one that you really like because, well, you already have someone halfway decent on the back burner. You may think you'll stop seeing your friend-with-benefits once you meet someone else, but I think you're less likely to meet someone else if you have a friend-with-benefits ... the old Catch-22.
You're not as inclined to really put yourself out there. So I say cut that cord (trans fat is, after all, bad for your heart) -- and do it now. You don't want to end up with just a friend-with-benefits, do you? Plus, I bet Mr. Comfy Sex will have no qualms about kicking your Value Meal to the curb once his steak comes along.
Tell me: Do you have a friend-with-benefits? Do you think he's holding you back from meeting Mr. Filet Mignon?
Jennifer S blogs about relationships for Lemondrop.
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Sunday 25 October
By Mike
Friends with benefits is just fine as long as both of you have agreed on it. And when you both agree to the terms that means no one will be hurt if one of you fines that person that you want to be with only, so until that time comes just have fun and be safe.
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Sunday 25 October
By LPT
FWB are great if one of you doesn't get serious , my FWB and I have been seeing each other for 16 years and do cool stuff together when he can get away. I have fallen for him and I think it does keep you from finding your so called STEAK, cause your satified for the time you see each other and go for it the next time, think carefully before starting the FWB addiction. He always goes home to his steak. Keep your eyes open and find your steak too...
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Monday 26 October
By Sue
I do not believe it does. It never stopped me from finding Mr. Right. It took me over a year to get comfortable enough with the 'bootycall' guy and it just developed into a steady friends-with-benefits thing. It was more of a between-relationships-kind-of-thing really. It was a bit sticky near the end because he wanted to call me up when either of us were in relationships. We let eachother know the boundaries and that nothing would evolve from it. I even dated one of his good friends. But, as long as you both establish where each of you stands on the matter, it shouldnt hinder you from finding anyone at all.
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Thursday 29 October
By Jim
Let's say the male party to a Friend-with-Benefits relationship is in it because he finds his "eff-buddy" to be a 7 on the 1-10 scale, and he is very much enjoying his adventure with a way-above-average woman, while he waits for his perfect 10 to come along . In this scenario I would agree that the joys inherent in the journey are more likely to be overshadowed, for one "buddy" or the other, by the pain that will inevitably accompany the end of the arrangement.
But there are, believe me, other scenarios that bring people together as Friends with Benefits, and they can result in a sustainable shared experience, or, if it doesn't last, a retrospective that almost always brings a smile.
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Monday 30 August
By cat
I've had a friend with benefit for 5 years now and NO it hasnt stopped either of us to look for the Fillet Mignon. We know we arent right for each other in the long term and all is fine the way we are. However.... he has had gfs before and although I stayed clear, he on the other hand couldnt. I never made the first step, but if u're gonna tease me i wont resist. I guess i showed his fillet mignon was just a stirlon after all..
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Tuesday 21 September
By Kayla
I kinda have a F.W.B now. And it drives me crazy. And I agree with the article. I feel that having F.W.D will hinder you from finding someone else. For the simple fact that its easy and you know that its always there. I have been reading some of the comments and can relate to a few of them. The reason why I have a F.W.B is because i wanted a relationship and he didnt. So I thought that if we became F.W.B then he will realize that we should be together....WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its at the point now that he feels why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. And i feel bad because i love this boy to death.... but he goes out and does who and what he wants because we are not together. So for everyone who is reading this and thinking about getting a F.W.B stay far far away because all that going to come is a whole lot of heartache. Take it from some who is going through it right now.
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