So, a friend of mine and I were discussing the friends-with-benefits conundrum one day last week, and we wondered: Does having a friend-with-benefits (aka, comfy sex partner, steady booty call, eff buddy, hookup, what-have-you) impede you from moving on and meeting other people? I believe it does, but she wasn't sure enough to give it up entirely.The way I see it, comfy sex results in a habit that's pretty hard to break: You go out, you meet up, you have sex, and you go home. Actually, you can just start with meeting up -- no going out required.
The fact that it's always available, almost like a 24-hour McDonald's, causes you to fall back on it rather than going for something you really want. For instance, you might really want a filet mignon for dinner, but Micky D's is easy, accessible (even has a drive-thru), and steak is just so much ... work.
A friend-with-benefits renders you no longer willing to go that extra mile to meet new people and find one that you really like because, well, you already have someone halfway decent on the back burner. You may think you'll stop seeing your friend-with-benefits once you meet someone else, but I think you're less likely to meet someone else if you have a friend-with-benefits ... the old Catch-22.
You're not as inclined to really put yourself out there. So I say cut that cord (trans fat is, after all, bad for your heart) -- and do it now. You don't want to end up with just a friend-with-benefits, do you? Plus, I bet Mr. Comfy Sex will have no qualms about kicking your Value Meal to the curb once his steak comes along.
Tell me: Do you have a friend-with-benefits? Do you think he's holding you back from meeting Mr. Filet Mignon?
Jennifer S blogs about relationships for Lemondrop.
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Thursday 25 December
By Stephani
Kick him to the curb, don't wait. You can bet he will do it to you, if he finds someone better.
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Tuesday 06 January
By steve
not if she wont do anal or play with feces
Tuesday 06 January
By steve
not if she wont do huge dildo anal or play with corn laden feces
Tuesday 30 December
By Patrick
Sorry, Ladies, but a guy can be strung along with comfy sex as well. It happened to me. I had a long-term friend with benefits. And yes, it definitely impedes one from moving on and meeting someone new. I suppose, in my case, at some point I came to realize that the comfy sex was better than no relationship with that friend at all. In spite of shared vacation trips, several broken engagements,etc. we never lived together. And when she did come over to my place, she always had to be back home in the morning to feed the dog. In hind sight, I was just a convenient booty call, right up until she packed up and moved to Florida. Perhaps she'll meet her sugar daddy down there.
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Friday 02 January
By riddles
I think it is possible, I have a friend with benifits although we were not friends first we have grown on each other. He is sexy as hell, def. not someone I could be in a committed relationship with but hes cool to talk to and hang out with. There are day once in a while that I want that "boyfriend" thing. Like going out holding hands, things like that. I dont want it all the time though, so there is the convienience factor that a friend with benifits is cool cause there are no "rules" and you dont have to deal with the "relationship" thing ALL the time. If I were ready though, sleeping with him would DEFINITLEY make it more difficult. Besides, theres always the risk of actually falling for the friend and totally ruining the friendship you HAD before sex.
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Saturday 03 January
By Beatrice
I have a FWB. At first we were dating, but then it just got so ugh, everybody HAD to be up in our business, in our kool-aid, all up in the mustard that we just couldn't take it anymore and broke up. But there always has been a spark, and when we see each other since we don't get to too often, we just go for it. I supposed we do love each other, we talk every night, go out with friends and sometimes as dates with just us, and so on. But I'm sure there'll be no hard feelings for both of us when our 'steaks' are seasoned and placed on the table. We'll always be the best of friends; but i wonder will he know that he has to stop with the benifitial part...
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Wednesday 07 January
By Dee
I have a friend with benifits, we met before I was 16 he was my first love. We drifted apart romanticly but remained best friends. We both married long term, he had 3 children and eventually divorced. I was married to my soul mate for over 20 years until he passed away. My "FWB" was on hold through all this. We would still get together for lunch, or a drink, even as couples with out spouses. Things picked back up a few years after my husbands passing. We will never drift apart. But we both know when it's approprate and when it's not. We have always been able to talk about anything, always been the shoulder to cry on, or the hand to hold when it was needed. We are still best friends, and neither of us infringes when the other dates. We just have the kind of connection that we seem to know when the other needs us. It has worked for us for almost 30 years. Who knows if we will ever take it farther than "Friends with benifits" or not. Our families believe we belong together, but for now were happy the way things are.
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Friday 09 January
By loon
Well, first of all I'm married, but back in the day, I had several FWB and let me tell you it was great and is also the best way not to be a cheater. I would have to disagree with the whole conept of having them hold you back. After you go out with and you become sexually active with them you become FWB if they are Ok with it. Once you or they meet someone else you tell them so you can stop having benefits and move on to the next one, and you keep repeating that cycle until you meet the right one. its always nice to have a FWB on different group circles.
Wednesday 14 January
By pinky
I have to say that I do not believe that a FWB will hold you back unless you want it to. I had a FWB before and I started seeing another guy so I told the FWB and he was cool with it. We even worked together and nothing was akward cause we both knew that was all we were. My boyfirend would even come into my job and have lunch woth us, but I never told him that he used to be my FWB. Well we broke up and I called my FWB and he was right there for me again. As long as you lay down the rules and you dont put your heart into it I dont think it will hold you back. Its all how you handle it. Some people are not able to have sex and not have feelings for that person.
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Sunday 25 January
By SUSANNE
Some of the time, I believe FWB can work but I've also had relationships end with no chance of it evolving into that. My most recent relationship is FWB now. He's moved across the country so it's hard to have anything else but a few times a year when he's back in the area yes, we make sure to hook up. I'm completely comfortable with him and he's very simply my best friend - benefits or not!
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Wednesday 18 February
By Deb
Well in this new age of technology I hooked up with a man online...we met for drinks and hit it off. He called the next day and asked if he could come for breakfast..silly me set a fabulous table....alll he wanted was sex!! Duhhh
Anyway..he would continue to IM or text me... he never calls...never go "out"..we would just have sex once a week or so at 5:30 am. He swears he is not married just wants a sex partner,,,but the sex is great and we laugh alot so I guess we are BOTH using each other..and by the way we are both 50+ successful business people. I DO wish it was more though....
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Tuesday 10 March
By jo
Oh he is def. married or involved with someone else, especially if he only sees you at 5:30 in the morning what is that on his way to work? anyone can make you laugh and provide satisfactory sex your not using each other hes using you.
Friday 27 February
By Brittany
Im a college student that likes to have fun...but doesnt want that one night stand kind of thing..so I have a F.B.(friend with benefits). We are the same age go to the same college...i dont date anyone and niether does he. We estabalised this F.B. realtionship with mutual agreements. First night we stayed together I was drunk, but we didnt do anything but kiss..no toungue action even. I honestly gained so much respect for him, and formed this huge crush on him. Well we started talking getting together because we are both sexually attracted to each other. I first asked him if he wanted a realtionship and he said not at the moment( we are at this time freshly out of a realtionship) that he had a hard time trusting his ex and found out she cheated. I had been pretty hurt from my realtionship and just needed someones shoulder to lay on. We went over alot of rules. Telling each how are day went and if we did anything with someone...(out to lunch, date..etc) and if we started liking someone that would let each other know. Okay at this time I still like him alot, but want to make him jealous well not intentionally...but i finely start telling the guy yes if he asked me to lunch or a dinner date. Well when it came time to the end of the dinner date number 3 with this guy he wanted a kiss and I couldnt do it all I could think about was kissing him. Well he is on the college rodeo team and they have rodeo every weekend all over Texas and sometime even out of state, and I work almost 40 hours just on the weekend. On my half of our realtionship I have remained faithful as far as him idk. Idk what to do?
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Wednesday 04 March
By Anna
Last year, I started sleeping with a guy I worked with. I was completely fine with the FWB thing in the beginning, but of course, developed feelings for him. We ended it for a few months, but started back up again, me being a bit wiser this time. I had a different guy ask me out on a date recently, and while I went, I did feel sort of weird about it. It's hard to give up someone you're comfortable with and have a great time with. However, I definitely do think my FWB could ditch me at anytime for his steak. He's known to be quite a player. So while I think I let him hold me back to an extent, I do know that he'd never be the kind of boyfriend I wanted. So I hope more boys start asking me out on dates!
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Tuesday 10 March
By Vicky
I don't think a friend with benefits hinders one from finding "Mr/Mrs. Right," if you will. In fact, I had a friend with benefits a few years back and both of us ended up finding long-term relationships; he found one first and, when that ended a year later, called me only to find that I was in a long-term relationship. Considering that a friend with benefits is just that--a friend one has casual sex with--the search for a boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't have to stop and in my case didn't. The benefits of having a friend with benefits is that one can have casual sex and, in the case that a long-term relationship arises, the friend with benefits will understand (no strings attached). After my three-year long relationship ended, I became the friend with benefits to one of my friends; we have great sex, are really good friends, hang out all the time, and have hinted at having an actual relationship (yet neither of us is ready for a long-term relationship so the friends with benefits relationship works really well). All in all, what I'm saying is that a friend with benefits does not have to detract one from engaging in the search for a long-term relationship and, in the mean time, can fulfill one with sex as well as a certain level of companionship. On the flip side, a friend with benefits relationship can be tricky and is certainly not without its faults.
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Friday 08 May
By Angela
I have 2 friends with benefits and a husband, so I am gonna have to say no the FWB did not hold me back from making a commitment. They are just there when my husband won't give it up and I really need a piece of ass. We meet and cut right to the chase, no need for the "hello how are you" . It's more like "what's up? wanna f@ck?" and we get it on. When it's done it's a kiss on the cheek (never on the mouth - too personal) and a see ya later! I've always had at least 1 FTW over the past 10 years and never had a problem with someone falling in love.
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Monday 26 October
By Rob
God Bless You. There should be a lot more Angelas in this world.
Tuesday 27 October
By coach
thatagirl.... ANGEIL thatagirl.. but rember what comes around goe's around. so stay strong n take it the way u gave it KEEP HUBBY N THE DARK!
Sunday 25 October
By Olgie
I now have a FWB. It is someone i dated two years ago and he broke up with me after I went on a cruise with my family there was no explanation, except: "this is not working for me" so I said "OK" he now came back and we are FWB, but I am having feelings for him again and I know I have to stop before it gets too complicated, in one of his emails he wrote" he wants to be good to me and be friends for life regardless of our sexual relationship or the possibility of a romantic relatioship again" and "I hope we stay close for a long time" what on earth does that mean? I know in my heart that is time to walk away before I give him my heart once again. Any suggestion are welcome, thanks!!!
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Sunday 25 October
By Alexandra
Sooo FWB huh! I currently have a friend with benefits and well i must definitely disagree with the fact that this person will hold me back from finding someone to commit to! ... He does not empede me from going out and meeting people and well i know him and I will never have a formal relationship since he is the one cheating... I am totally aware of what i want and looking for.. we meet once or twice a week, do a little flirting and well thats it.. I dont allow myself to take it any further feelings wise. I go out, if i meet someone whom I am interested and has potential I am very well aware that this FWB will be cut off as he is not what i want in the long run!
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