The next time your MIL starts hinting about how she never sees that precious son of hers and what a waste your extra bedroom is, hand that dear boy a copy of this article. Your get-out-of-jail-free card? A new study which found that women living with their husbands and a set of parents (most often their in-laws) were three times more likely to have a heart attack than women living with only their spouse. The study, published in the medical journal Heart, analyzed 91,000 Japanese men and women for more than 10 years. While having children in the home was also found to slightly increase women's risk of heart disease, their male counterparts showed no significant health effects from either domestic arrangement. Figures.
So what accounts for this in-law epidemic? Citing a similar Swedish study linking marital stress and female heart disease, experts suggest that the pressures of such a living arrangement can increase stress, which in turn brings a heightened risk of cardiovascular disease.
Click here to read more about this health travesty.
Of course, it doesn't take a medical degree to draw a connection between extreme stress and close contact with in-laws. The nagging, the emotional blackmail, the hovering -- can't you feel your chest tightening just thinking about it?
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And if your life isn't at risk, surely someone's is. Think about it. Your husband taking his mom's side in an argument. His dad commenting for the millionth time on your "birthing hips." Mommy dearest pointedly asking if you've ever considered applying for "The Biggest Loser." The whole thing has murder/suicide written all over it.
But don't take our word for it. Just ask 28-year-old Bridget, who has what she considers an "overbearing" mother-in-law. Says Bridget, "I think I would have extreme health problems if my in-laws moved in. Namely, I would kill myself." Indeed, some harried young wives living with monsters-in-law may see a cardiac event as a welcome escape.
Silver Lining
But there are some real benefits to keeping the coots close. Women living with a spouse and parents were less likely to smoke or drink heavily (now there's a surprise), and having in-laws around to help with children is thought to reduce some stress. Additionally, despite the increased health risk, these women were actually no more likely to die of a heart attack than women living with a spouse alone. Guess that old battle-axe is pretty good at dialing 911 -- or at least pitching in when a health crisis arises.
But don't tell the hubby that. Just clasp your chest and show him the study. With any luck, you just might be able to bail out of his folks' annual Christmas gathering/dysfunction function, too. For health reasons, of course.
Tell us: Is your life one endless episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond," or do you adore your in-laws? Would you consider living with them?
Mismatched Celebrity Moms and Daughters*
Alexis & Martha Stewart: On her TV show Whatever, Martha, wild child Alexis pokes fun at old episodes of her mother's show. Wonder how uptight homemaker extraordinaire Martha is really taking that.
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Sharon & Kelly Osbourne: A no-BS businesswoman, Sharon has always come off as way more polished than her punky-but-shy daughter.
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Demi Moore & Tallulah, Rumer and Scout Willis: Though her three girls have caught the acting bug, they're all much more of the tomboy variety than their couture-loving mom.
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Courtney Love & Frances Bean Cobain: Frances has talked in interviews about being into a different music scene than both her parents', and says she's more girlie than her grunged-out mom. Plus, as far as we know, no teen drug issues.
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Jaid & Drew Barrymore: Drew's mom supposedly couldn't hack it in Hollywood, letting Drew use drugs and alcohol from a young age. We find it hard to believe that Drew, with her uber-sunny personality, would let the same happen to her own daughter.
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Cher & Chastity Bono: Cher is over-the-top with her fashion, her larger than life personality and her huge stage persona. In contrast, her lesbian daughter with famous ex Sonny Bono is a low-key writer and LGBT activist.
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Jayne Mansfield & Mariska Hargitay: The Playboy pinup was a blonde bombshell who starred in fluffy melodramas before her untimely death. Her daughter is also an actress, but has found career longevity playing SVU cop Olivia Benson. And she did it wearing pants.
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Blythe Danner & Gwyneth Paltow: They're both actresses, classy and blonde. But Gwyn married a rock star, making us think she's a little more boho than her straightlaced mom.
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Connie & Leighton Meester: US Weekly recently broke news that the always put together Meester was born to her mother in jail. Because she was smuggling pot into the U.S. Normal, yes?
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Janet Leigh & Jamie Lee Curtis: Janet started out poor while Jamie was born into the fame her mother earned. "She was green as you can be. I'm about as black as you can be. I'm jaded and time tested and all the things that my mother wasn't," Jamie Lee has said.
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Comments:
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Friday 19 December
By never in a million years
Even anticipating spending a few hours with this woman stresses me beyond belief. She goes out of her way to make vicious, poisonous comments about everyone. I personally believe that, somehow, making other people feel bad, or citing their inadequacies somehow makes her feel holier and happier. She has ruined all of her children's lives and marriages, and is slowly but surely chipping away at mine. Two of her children are NUTS (thanks to her, I think!). If my husband ever insisted on her moving in with us, I would pack my bags. I don't need that kind of emotional poison in my life.
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Monday 22 December
By Jennifer
My Fiancee's mother and father are the main reason we have not gotten married after 2 1/2 years of being engaged. His parents are a hillbilly stereotype complete with broken down trailer and dozens of cars in the front yard. When we first got together his mother would call 15 or 16 times A DAY to tell him about crap that happened to her neighbors, cousin's, friend's bosses, aunt...or some useless crap like that. She would call saying it was an emergency and get him all upset. Finally I got fed up and was like "you either tell them to stop calling here all the time or you can go home to them". He told them and basically kept his distance for about a year, but I knew it was hard on him not to see his family so we made peace, but they still drive me nuts. Both of them have mental issues, she still calls many times a day...so much I have to keep getting a new phone number, she keeps buying us crap from flea markets that is usually infested with the bugs from their house. They are nasty and funky, they have roaches in their van. I try to deal with it for his sake but I am from the big city and not used to country people. My Fiancee is a good guy, a little immature, but he has changed for the better since he left their house. His parents aren't the healthiest of folks so that is another reason why I deal with it. I figure they won't be around forever, but thank God I don't have kids because I would never subhect a child to their craziness.
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Tuesday 23 December
By Michele
Thanks for reinforcing the stereotype of a mother-in-law. Well, I have news for Ms. Donelly ..... This is one "MIL" who had earned her empty nest and would rather have root canal than live with ANY of my children's spouses. It would indeed be stressful and bad for my health. This is one grandma who plans to have a full life, free of kids and household drudgery ( I paid my dues. ) If my DIL or SIL want to spend time with me, they can ring me up at my home in Cali or FL ( haven't decided yet ) and if I don't have any plans, they are welcome to come for a visit. I have no interest in interfering with their lives and I hope they'll return the favor. I love my family ... but now it's my turn. Someone should inform the author of this dumb article that Boomers have redefined what it is to be a MIL or FIL .... or grandparent, for that matter. As it turns out, our kids need us a heck of a lot more than we "need" them. We love them ... but we don't need them.
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Monday 05 April
By Sarah
Michele, I love your post!! Good for you!~ That is a great attitude. Wish my MIL felt that same way.
Tuesday 23 December
By P Shelton
I am so happy people are talking about the MIL issues. There are so many spouses and families being injured by dysfunctional relationships. I am trying to research these issues in order to help the younger couples avoid unnecessary damage to their families.
If you have some stories that can be shared with other new couples, please send them to me. I will not publish your name.
We could all help each other--I know we desparately need it.
P Shelton
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Tuesday 23 December
By P Shelton
BTW, my email address is Psapaula@hotmail.com
Tuesday 23 December
By Beck
My FIL has lived with my husband since I met him. In some ways, it can be good. He takes care of our dogs while we are at work or on vacation, which is a huge help. He even makes dinner occasionally. However, there are other ways where I can see a cardiac issue waiting to happen... My FIL is an alcoholic. After about 3 year of marriage, he started drinking more than normal. It became a habit to get so drunk that he couldn't find the bathroom during the night. I would get up and find that he urinated in the hall, bathroom floor (not toilet), his bedroom, a spare room, and last, but not least, the living room (including on the coffee table once...) Mind you, we have hardwood floors... You could imagine my feelings when I would step in it... One night, we even came home to him "stabbing his way out of his room". The TV was on and you could CLEARLY see the door! However, he couldn't find the door, but he could find his little pocket knife!?! We thought maybe it was a medical condition (sundowners, alzheimers, etc). The doctor checked everything he could... Nothing was wrong except the alcohol... About 2 weeks ago, he urinated in his clothes hamper. My husband had finally had enough (after a little more than 2 years)! He threw his hamper with the clothes in it all over the backyard. Rained all night... I'm hoping he finally got the message. So far, so good... With all of that said, he really is a great guy when he's sober!
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Tuesday 23 December
By lita
I hope any woman who is thinking about going on NBC's latest attempt to dumb down the viewing public (Momma's Boys) reads this article.
The women on this show are over-involved in their sons' lives, giving the show a definite creepy Oedipal vibe. It gives the impression that some of these women--if it weren't for societal taboos--might have sex with their sons. My husband and mother-in-law thought so, too. It is frightening that the sons seem to enjoy the attention--another warning to any potential wife.
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Tuesday 23 December
By Heather
I think it all depends on the in-law. I mean, I get irritated at my in-laws every once in a while, but it's the same kinds of pettiness I would have with any other kind of roomate (relative or not such as, not refilling the toilet paper or using the last of something and etc.) While I do believe there are some HELLACIOUS in-laws out there that are out to get everyone, I think the situation does work for some. It also helps to cut down on expenses.
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Tuesday 23 December
By heatherwon
Oh man reading some of these comments makes me sad. My son is 3, I am going to make him the biggest mama's boy in the whole world so maybe he won't completely forget me some day when he gets married. I don't want to lose him completely. Maybe he can just live with me forever. LOL Joking. KINDA...haha
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Tuesday 23 December
By margaret mcnamee
I think you got that one wrong. I have my son and his wife living downstairs from us and what I would give to have a whole day to myself when I am not asked to do this or that for them. The kids are trying to kill us off. My husband I and will be the ones to have the heart attack.
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Tuesday 23 December
By Hey Marie! Howdy
First, I am a mother in law, I have 2 married daughters. I've told them both that I would never, ever interfere in their marriages or lives at all UNLESS there is abuse. If one of my sons in law ever hit my daughters it'd be another story, however both of my sons in law are wonderful, thank God. As far as my own inlaws, they've passed away but - if I would have had to live with my late father n law, I think things would have been peaceful as he always kept to himself and he was more interested in playing with the kids when they wanted to -not only when he wanted to. My late mother in law is another story! (They were separated by the way. She was mean and hateful. That woman quiet speaking to us for SEVEN YEARS after my son was stillborn in 1994 becasuse she blamed me for his death. After that, she lived about a mile away from us but we seldom saw her. I think my 10 yr old son saw her a total of 3 times. She was vicious, hateful, said terrible things. What Grandmother would call her granddaughter "Trasha' when her name is Trisha? I have a daughter named Jocelyne and she told me when my daughter was born that she would have NOTHING to do with her if I put that name on her Birth Certificate. She kept her word. She had next to nothing to do with my now 16 yr old daughter. She passed away a year ago and we had a service for her in the spring in NH. There were only five people from the family there. She just hurt too many people with her meanness. It's sad...but I'll tell ya if I had to ever live with her when she was alive, a cardiac event would have given me some peace because that woman was a hateful, mean, battleax of the worst kind. Pretty sad that your(her) family has to remember you after death that way.
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Tuesday 23 December
By Traci Haid
I really wish my mil was alive. She was a wonderful lady. Sure we had our moments but she was a class act and bought her sons up well. We had a great relationship. Right after my husband and I were married, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. We bought our house shortly after and she came here to die. If I had it to do all over again, I would do the same thing.
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Thursday 08 January
By MissyB
Hello everyone,
Just to let you know i am 37 and circumsatnces have me living with my in-laws.I dont reccomend living with anyone other then your family(husband or wife and kids ).My in-laws are great people i have always loved them and they have always been there for my husband and i .But when you live with someone little things big things oh heck everything just starts to bother you .When you are used to living alone with your family and then you have to move in with someone else expect things to go haywire and it really is no ones fault.As i said i love my in-laws but it is very taxing no matter how much you love them .So my advice to all you out there if there is a way to not live with them find it . It may be hard but guess what in the long run no one will devolp hard feelings no ones feelings get hurt and everyone will still love everyone in the morning .
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Thursday 22 January
By bee
ohh gosh... i might be moving in with my in laws to save money. love my SIL and FIL, but not so much the MIL. i would rather have us live with my parents, but my step dad has a way of making people feel inadequate and he has all these conditions. so thanks but no thanks. ughhh i wish my DH would just get a better paying job so we didnt need to stay with fam to save but in this economy its not lookin good!
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Wednesday 17 June
By Natalia
LOL......wow..boy can i relate.however..i do not have so much of a problem with my MIL...its the GIL,,,,Grandmother and the BIL's....yes my bILS...act like they are afaid of me.....my GIL thinks that Im this brainless young lady bc i dont cook the way she does...the other day I tried to break up a fight between my brother in laws and what happened,,,I get cursed out.....UMMM whats wrong with this picture ? I was just trying to help out...I got in the middle of it...WHAT WAS I THINKING? if no one else was trying to stop the fight..(thos whom are related) how am I (an OUTSIDER/CAST) going to have any power what so ever to stop it...I was cursed out...and not only that....i thought so highly of one of the brothers and now...i feel like that is his real side...last week he told me i was beauiful..to "GEt out of my BLEEPING face" Uhhhhh....now i have to go back there and lock myself in my husbands room...Not to mention no one...like his mother or grandmother came to me to see if I were "Ok"...my 11 yr old SIL had to ask and I ignored her..I didnt mean to do that. Well i made sure that the nex day I woke up was to smile and say "good morning" but will I be taken for a fool, or will he end up felling " Gosh I shouldnt have said that to her"
SIGHHHHHHHH..AY YI YI
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Wednesday 17 March
By Michelle
I'm living this nightmare now! I'm only 22 but I think that heart attack is coming my way! My husband and I have been living with his anal, overbearing parents for 2 years while my husbands been getting his masters degree,(he's finished it and now he's just looking for a job) His parents always have something to say, they try to control everything in our lives from our finances, to our jobs, even my freaking dog! My mil won't let go of my husband and let him be a man and make his own decisions, She won't accept that he's not her little baby any more.... He's MY HUSBAND!
murder/suicide has definitely been crossing my mind lately! My husbands sister and her husband just moved in the house too, there's NO privacy and his mom and sister talk crap about me behind my back constantly but are "nice" to my face... they're the most 2faced people I've ever met, not to mention they're sooo incredibly negative, There's no room for joy and happiness in this house... ugh I could write a book on the awful things these people have done... I pray God gets us out of here soon!!!
"A Mother In Law" I soooooo wish my mother in law was like you lol
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Tuesday 14 September
By sadDIL
I lived with my in laws for 4 years. At first it was so good until i heard things i do not like.. Both my MIL and FIL always there to decide what are good/ bad for our family especially for my son... And Im Sick of it.. Whenever i told my husband i dont like the way my MIL/ FIL mingle our decision, he always get angry with me. My husband always depends her mother and it's hurt my feelingss,.. My husband used to tell me, what my MIL/ FIL dont like about me,, which hurts me more.,.. I keep the anger until one day, i had a fight with them.. I REAALLLLY HATE THEM SO MUCH!!!!!!! I asked my husband to move out of thier parents house but he said we dont have enough money.. so i waited 1 year and save every penny from my salary... Now that we moved out of MY MIL house, i feel like the pain are still here.., I feel like being tortured in thier house keeping all the anger.. .
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