Last month's record layoffs left the U.S. joblessness rate at 6.8%. In all, 533,000 people lost their jobs in November, the most since 1974. And with December traditionally being the worst month for layoffs, chances are that if you don't know someone who's gotten a pink slip, you will soon. So what can you say to a friend who's suddenly been booted from her job -- without making her feel worse because you pity her? We asked six recently relieved-of-duty workers for their input.
Do: Take the Person to Dinner
Treating your pal to a meal helps her enjoy the "normal" pleasures that are often first to go when money gets tight. And it gives her the opportunity to spill her stress -- or ignore it altogether for an hour or two. "Nothing is more fun than going out worrying about spending the money, then having a friend pick up the check," says CJ, who recently lost a video production job. "Good times, and it makes the food taste so much better."
Don't: Take The Person to Task
"Helpful" suggestions about getting back on their feet don't always come out right. Dale, whose Web site folded, resents the line, "Why don't you take this opportunity to go back to school?" which he says comes with the unspoken suggestion " ... and incur $40,000 in loans?" at the worst possible time.
Joanna, who was working in the real estate field, loathes people who advise her to, "Get online and look for a job." "I hate when people act as if it's so easy and I'm just not doing it. Obviously I'm doing everything I can!"
Do: Support Her
"Getting laid off sucks, but it's also motivating me to start my book proposal," says Elise, a writer whose Web site cut jobs recently. "Other writers' encouragement and pep talks have made me excited to work on it."
Lauren, who lost her copy editor gig says that a sincere compliment about the quality of her work can go a long way in helping rebuild her unemployed ego. "Someone said that I was the only layoff that made no sense, which made me feel pretty good, even if it was in a slightly bitter way," she says.
Don't: Pity Her
"Most people are sensitive -- more sensitive than is necessary," says CJ. "I think the most insensitive thing is when people are like 'Oh God, I'm soooo sorry,' as if I'm dying of some incurable disease. It's nice to be treated like everyone else and not have everyone make such a big deal about it."
Do: Hear Her Out
"Initially, bitching about the industry really helps," says Ruth, whose architecture firm downsized. "Hearing gossip about how other firms are doing even worse helps you feel like you're not such an anomaly."
Don't: Compare Your Situation to Theirs
It's great to lend an ear, but don't act like you're in the same boat unless you truly are. "After the layoffs, a bunch of us went out for drinks to console each other," says Ruth. "People who still had jobs tagged along to 'support' us and honestly, the last thing you want to hear is support from the 'other' side."
Dale says to avoid pick-me-ups like "I got laid off, too, but I'm suddenly so busy with freelance I can barely remember my old job!" It may seem like you're offering hope, but it can also be undermining if the person isn't as lucky as you.
Do: Give Thoughtful Gifts
Most "liberated" ladies agree that a gift card for the little luxuries would be much appreciated. "I would love a Starbucks gift card so I don't have to feel guilty about splurging for that hazelnut latte," says Joanna. "I'd dig a Macy's card, so I could get necessities at the after-the-holidays sales," says Lauren.
And Ruth says anything that helps fill the hours is a good bet. "DVDs are great, because suddenly there's a lot of time on your hands."

















Comments:
Add a comment
Tuesday 09 December
By DMA
I'm out of work now. The most helpful things friends have done are take me out for lunch or dinner, listen to my complaints about my job search, and offer me financial help to protect me from the embarrassment of having to ask if it does come to that point. However, if you've lost your job, understand that it's uncomfortable for your friends, too, and don't overdo it in sharing your complaints and worries. Not only are they concerned about you, but your job loss brings the potential for theirs that much closer to home. Be sensitive and respectful of their lives, needs and interests.
Reply
Wednesday 24 December
By margaret davidson
You have made so much common sense with your advice; I've been laid off since July due to the company's downsizing and don't expect to ever be called back. I did go to school for one semester, but since I can't take anything the WA offers due to health reasons and I made too much money last year to qualify for a Pell grant, I can't afford to go again until next fall. In the meantime, I have kept very busy babysitting and plan to put my name and references on lists at local hospitals to sit overnight with patients for a fee. I have survived very well on unemployment compensation by cutting out the "luxuries" , shopping for necessities at salvage and thrift stores, and riding with someone else when possible to save gas. I also refuse to feel sorry for myself, instead, I'm very thankful that I own my own home and car, and will continue to share what I have with others. During this Christmas season, I would like to have more to share as I participate in the jail ministry and visit the nursing homes...but others in my church who have more have also contributed and the most important thing we can give is ourselves. I'll never be too poor to let someone know that I care and pray for them.
Tuesday 09 December
By Lutefisk
*Don't* suggest getting together for lunch or dinner unless you're planning to pay for it and you make that clear. I can't afford it.
*Do* suggest going for a walk, which is free and healthful.
*Don't* tell me it will all work out for the best. It probably will, and I know that, but it's cheap for you to say it when you don't really know.
*Do* offer to write a recommendation for me on LinkedIn . . . obviously, only if you know my work and you genuinely mean it.
Reply
Friday 19 December
By PJD120
I feel for everyone that has gotten laid off. I have been laid off also, since November. So I know how you feel, and the job search for me hasn't really been that good because when I do apply and get my interview, there are at least 50-100 people there with me applying for the same job. So I went back to being a loan officer, just to keep myself out in the work force. I really didn't want to be a loan officer anymore, but for now, this is the best I can do until something comes my way. My family has been very supportive, and I truly appreciate that. Just everyone keep your head up, and I think everything will turn out okay.
Reply
Tuesday 23 December
By Tzipporah
Please keep going. Keep your eye on the birdie and just keep going because you never know what's around the corner. I had my eye on my ideal job for a while. I wanted a column with my little picture in the paper. Then I got it. It didn't happen overnight and sometimes I didn't think it was going to happen at all, but I kept at it, kept on writing and sending things out (talk about a labor of love) and then things started happening. I am not making a living at it yet, but then, you never know.
I'm going to recommend a good book for you whether or not you are an artist. It doesn't matter because it is really a book about life and living. It's called "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. Get that book. Do the exercises. It is really helpful. Good luck and like I said, just keep going.
Friday 19 December
By brenda
my county has a nearly 17% unemployment rate right now and my husband and i were both laid off in October. we have two kids and still haven't seen an unemployment check because it's so backed up. even though so many others are in our situation i've been blessed to have a secret santa bring a bag of gifts for my kids, a mysterious $100 gift card to a grocery store appear in my mailbox and a neighbor who dropped off a few packs of diapers without even accepting my offer to repay her later. for people like us losing our jobs meant losing our heat, etc.. yes, i have internet because at&t offered me 6 more months free and i took it since it helps with the job hunting, resumes. of course at the end of my free 6 months it will be gone too.
the worst thing? to say "oh you'll find something". hopefully you will - but to be told like it's so easy is very frustrating. even mcdonald's won't hire right now in our area.
Reply
Saturday 20 December
By Gary Cunningham
Excellent article with several very important points. If you decide to work online, the company you choose to do business with definitely has to be reputable and have a track record. One I have associated with builds your downline for you with PAID POSITIONS intact to prove to you that the business model is profitable and worthwhile. You are welcome to join free and examine the business. Take as much time as you need .
This method enabled me to have a downline built of over 100,000 pre-enrollees and paid members in less than 3 months. Sep 08 to Dec 08.
Drop in anytime
http://bettersignupnow.wordpress.com .
Reply