I am back again, tirelessly continuing my quest for effective exercise that doesn't suck. Recently I stumbled across Health Status, an excellent Web site that uses your weight to calculate calories burned for various activities. I chose an assortment and evaluated how many calories each would burn in 20 minutes. A few of my favorites were, predictably, poor performers: both "sitting" and "writing" clocked in at an unimpressive 23 calories burned. But the news was not all bad. Below, I have assembled some of the results:

Archery, 75 calories burned. Who knew? Just as many calories burned as Weight Lifting, and all you have to lift is the bow.

Table Tennis, 87 calories burned. Table tennis is just a fancy term for Ping Pong, which, it turns out, is better exercise than Walking (61). However it is exactly the same as Paddleboat, and for Paddleboat you can sit down.

Sex (intercourse), 93 calories burned. Not too shabby! Alas, Sex (foreplay) burns only 32 calories, so you may want to skip that part altogether. Driving burns 46 calories, so perhaps the time would be better spent going for a nice drive with your partner and then getting straight to business.

Dancing (fast ballroom), 122 calories burned. This one actually sounds like fun. Future column idea?

Hiking, 130 calories burned. The nice thing about hiking is that it is just like walking, only with prettier scenery. I've been walking for years, so I'm practically an old hand at this.

Horse Grooming, 130 calories burned. Another surprise. Who would have thought brushing fur was so strenuous? 130 calories is more than what's burned by 20 minutes of Beginning Pilates (81 calories). Now all I need is a horse.

Basketball (officiating), 154 calories burned. Burns precisely as many as jogging! I confess I'm not entirely sure what Basketball (officiating) entails, but from what I've seen on television I gather it is a combination of suit-wearing, pacing and shouting obscenities. Totally doable.

Racquetball (competitive), 220 calories burned. Huh. This is 70 more calories than are burned by Racquetball (casual). Could applying the adjective "competitive" have similar results for other activities? What about Sleeping (competitive)?

Rope Jumping, 220 calories burned. No wonder I was so spry in my youth. Double Dutch is a phenomenal workout. If you live in an apartment, however, you'll want to wait until your downstairs neighbors are gone before breaking out the rope.

Elliptical Trainer, 249 calories burned. Sadly, this one is actual exercise, but I am impressed by the fact that it burns almost 100 calories more than the dreaded jogging. And unlike jogging, you can watch Gossip Girl while you do it.

Boxing (in ring), 264 calories burned. If you use a punching bag, you only burn half the calories. But 264 calories in 20 minutes? That's enough for a small hamburger, and possibly worth one good punch to the kidneys.