According to a new study, the more sexy television you watch, the more likely you are to have an unwanted pregnancy. Researchers monitored the TV-watching habits of a group of teens over a three-year span, and concluded that those who watched shows like "Sex and the City," "Friends," and other innuendo-heavy programs were almost twice as likely to get pregnant or get their partners pregnant as other teens.
We can't say that watching Samantha Jones have simulated sex has ever made us careless with contraception, but we certainly have watched TV so extremely unsexy that it inspired lengthy (okay, thirty-minute) bouts of chastity.
We've assembled a helpful list of television programs we find so repulsive that they quash any desire we have to have sex, rendering them the remote-controlled equivalent of birth control. Administer these in half-hour increments.
"Cavemen." In case the disgusting bad teeth and matted hair from those steamy GEICO commercials weren't enough, we can now watch entire episodes. Or "could" -- we're pretty sure it's canceled. Check Hulu if necessary, where you can always watch old episodes of "Bob Newhart" if you're desperate.
"Family Guy." Let's face it, this family is only funny because they're not yours. Let the threat of being stuck with a loutish incompetent husband and a baby who wants to murder you keep you from doing anything rash. (Helpful Hint: Ruminate on the multiple meanings of the word "rash.")
"Dexter." The mystery of a new boyfriend is always exciting. Now, thanks to "Dexter", any vague answers about where he was last night clearly mean that he is a serial killer.
"The Real World." The most sobering of them all because -- editing aside -- the men on this show are real and walk among us. Watch a few minutes of David from "RW: Seattle" drunkenly crying in the confessional, and feel your ovaries shrivel inside you like dried apricots.
"Gossip Girl." Two words: Chuck Bass. After watching this show, it's hard to muster enthusiasm for any guy who isn't sneering, mincing and wearing a velvet blazer with burnt orange corduroys. This show makes us want to save ourselves -- for Chuck Bass.
"Sex and the City." We know, we know. This show was used in the study as an example of high sexual content, but endless reruns filled with gross one-night stands, icky dudes, unflattering outfits (a bra with overalls? really?) and constant over-analysis ends up making the whole process seem about as hot as a health-class filmstrip.
(Sex appeal aside, Flavorwire has some good and twisted suggestions for the future of the series.) Also on Lemondrop: Check out these celebs who though they could hide their baby bumps. As if.
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