Lemondrop

These days the divide isn't between the rich and the poor: It's between the "real" and ... well ... "not real" Americans. Just ask John McCain and his running mate Sarah Palin. This "real America" talk began in North Carolina on Friday, October 17, when Palin told a small audience of reporters that the McCain camp believes "The best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call 'the real America,' being here with all of you hard-working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation."

Then on Saturday, McCain spokeswoman Nancy Pfotenhauer built upon Palin's line of thinking with this response to Colin Powell's endorsement of Barack Obama: "I certainly agree that Northern Virginia has gone more Democratic ... But the rest of the state -- real Virginia if you will -- I think will be very responsive to Senator McCain's message." She then elaborated on what exactly she meant by "real Virginia": "Real Virginia, I take to be, this part of the state that's more Southern in nature, if you will."
So do you agree that there's a "real" America and a fake one? Either way, here are some quick and dirty lines you can whip out during your next cocktail-induced political squabble.

If you get what they mean by "real" Americans, say: "Clearly some Americans are more 'pro-America' than others. The evidence? Those huge American flags hung from windows and mailboxes ... and Sarah Palin's likeness mowed into that Ohioan's cornfield."

If you like being literal, say: "So you mean to tell me that a Bostonian, who lives on the very land our founding fathers fought on in defense of democracy, is not a 'real' American? There's something terribly wrong about that."

If the whole dialogue annoys you, say: "Real? Fine. Then McCain can be the president of Southern Virginia and Southwest Pennsylvania where all the 'real' Americans live."

At the bar, order:

The Real American
A shot of straight bourbon, distilled by those actual Americans in Kentucky.