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My three-year-old is going through a bit of a pirate phase; that is, he's interested in flailing his big foam pirate sword around and yelling "Yarrr!", not downloading the current season of "Dexter" on BitTorrent like his parents certain unsavory citizens. So last weekend, I put in my DVD of "Pirates of the Caribbean" specifically for the swashbuckling fight scene at the beginning. As we began watching it, he covered his eyes and proclaimed Captain Jack Sparrow "too fweaky".

"Well, he's a pirate," I said. "A sexually ambiguous, lustfully slurring pirate with strangely attractive fey mannerisms and the sort of hair you know must be filthy and matted and yet you want it dragged across your naked, prone body, while he whispers show me that horizon in your ear and the smell of rum fills the air and ... "

Ahem. Actually, we just turned off the movie and played with Legos.

So fine, my son doesn't share my fondness for a piratized Johnny Depp. That's fine, kid, more for me.

Click here to read more about Linda's unique taste in men.

Re-visiting Captain Jack, albeit briefly, got me thinking about the movie-star crushes I've had. Oddly, they are almost always tied to a character, rather than the actor himself. Keanu Reeves, but only in "Speed." Nicolas Cage, but only in "Wild at Heart." Ed Harris in "The Abyss"; Christian Slater in "True Romance"; Brad Pitt in "Fight Club"; George Clooney in "Out of Sight" (specifically, the bathtub scene); and Clive Owen in ...

Well, Clive Owen might be the exception to the rule, because he's hot in pretty much anything, but "Sin City" in particular. Or "Shoot 'Em Up." Yeah, that scene where he's hooking up with Monica Bellucci and firing both guns, if you know what I mean. Mrrrrrrrow.

My most humiliating crush of all time has to be on Aragorn in "Lord of the Rings," which got so bad I was actually dreaming about him and I ... well, I may have read some Lord of the Rings slashfic. Don't judge me!

My friend -- who understood my lust all too well, as she was enduring the exact same crush (I wept a little when she e-mailed me that she couldn't stand to watch the movie anymore, because it was just TOO MUCH -- I was so grateful someone else understood my pain) -- sent me a life-sized cardboard figure of Aragorn, which I displayed for months in the corner of my office, much to my co-workers' amusement.

Then I saw some footage of Viggo Mortensen at some movie premiere, and -- Poof! -- my crush was largely deflated. Viggo, it must be said, is nowhere near as hot as Aragorn.

How about you? What are your all-time top movie-star crushes? Do you tend to crush on the character, or the actual actor?