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Nobody has benefits anymore, so we're offering up the one resource we all have: other people's mothers. Each week a staff mom (nurse, guidance counselor, lawyer and shrink) will answer one of your questions. This week, it's psych Q&A with Paula's Mom the Shrink."How do I break up with my shrink?"
Paula's Mom says:
"The first question is, why are you breaking up with them? If you feel like you've accomplished everything you came to therapy for in the first place, the hope is that your therapist feels the same way. If they don't, it's something to explore together.
"Either way, it's important to bring up negative feelings as soon as possible. Sometimes the reason for those feelings isn't clear, but in working through them you can better understand them and find the best solution. Vocalizing negative feelings in a relationship has therapeutic value in itself.
"Don't worry about hurting your shrink's feelings -- this isn't a social relationship. They expect you to sometimes have negative feelings. If you're seeing someone well-trained, they won't take offense. Their job is to help you, and if they're not doing so, you don't owe them anything. It's in their best interest to assist you in finding someone who can help you more effectively. And if they do handle it badly ... well, that confirms that there's something unhelpful about the situation, and it's definitely time to move on."
Paula's Mom the Shrink, M.D., has a private practice in Minneapolis, where she offers both therapy and medication. She's a past president of the Minnesota Psychiatric Association and enjoys knitting, bird watching and yoga.
Tell us! Do you have a health question? Need career or legal help? Got a psychiatric quandary (who doesn't)? Put it in the comments, or e-mail editors@lemondrop.com, and we'll send it to our moms.
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Tuesday 16 August
By Sue
Unfortunately, when a therapist goes off-rails, he often is the last to know. Therapists might have been "trained" to handle negative feelings, but in real life sometimes they can be quite authoritarian and prideful and become vindictive if a client is considering leaving.
From my experience as a consumer, I think clients should evaluate a negative situation carefully. If their therapist is controlling, too blinded by their own role-play, easily wounded, or unable to handle "separation," then a client might be well to slip away firmly and quietly.
I don't think many therapists are aware of the harm done in the profession. When a client attempts negative feedback, his unhappiness often is blamed on "transference."
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