Lemondrop

When Samuel Johnson first published his "Dictionary of the English Language" in 1755, he could only have dreamt that its elegant rendering of the mother tongue would one day be stuffed into a meat grinder and processed into Daniel Maurer's "Brocabulary." The new book mines the pun landscape for Maxim-style phrases such as "dudescussion," "blow jobligation" and "masturdate"... a good ten years too late.

For all of its desperate bravado, the book uses straight-out-of-teen-mag diminutives like "sitch" and "sesh." I daresay Stringer Bell probably never inquired of one of his contemporaries, "You totes feelin' me?"

Here, a few of Maurer's phrases, re-translated into girl-speak (or as he might call it, hocabulary.)

Brocabulary definition: "Hommitment: A commitment you made with a ho that prevents you from hanging out with your bros ...."
What women call that: When the roles are reversed, it's called sex. With you.

Brocabulary definition: "Do-venir: A souvenir from a sex sesh." This word really helps distinguish brocabulary from standard feminine English.
What women call that: Just as the Inuit have thousands of words for snow, women have multiple terms for this ... such as "your baby," "your STD" and "your body hair."

Brocabulary definition: "Landicap: A handicap that prevents an otherwise capable player from landing women ...."
What women call that: A copy of the book "Brocabulary."