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When you dream of the perfect life with the perfect guy in the perfect house with the white picket fence, do you also dream that you're the one paying for it all, mortgage, landscaper and all? These days, more and more women are taking on the role of household breadwinner. Whether they're high-powered career women with big paychecks or just average girls picking up the slack in an economy that's just as tough on men, 43% of women now earn half or more of their family's income.
I've always assumed that whomever I ended up with would out-earn me. But that's mostly because I'm a writer, a profession akin to an artist in that it commonly has the prefix "starving" as a description. How could I possibly end up with someone who makes less? But that may not be the reality, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm not alone -- some women say it dashes their little-girl dreams, and guys can have ego pains over it. Then again, plenty of couples are fine with, even empowered by, it.
Tell us! How do -- or would -- you feel about being the breadwinner in your relationship?
Jennifer S. is Lemondrop's resident dating and relationship blogger.
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Friday 03 October
By Roxanne
My husband would love for me to be the breadwinner in the family, at this time am going to school to get my BA degree in Accounting. We will see then.
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Friday 03 October
By Jennifer Medaglia
I am the primary bread winner and the primary care giver of my kids! I also go to school. My husband and I have been fighting about this for months now. He likes his dead end job that pays $33,000, and doesn't want to leave it. Me on the other hand changed jobs within my company 4 times in the last 3 years to get up to $50,000. I just don't understand why he doesn't wanna be the "man" and support his family!
Thursday 02 October
By CHAR
Well in my opinion, I dont think the woman should be the bread winner. I think it makes the husband or other half weak. I am in the same situation right now. I hate it. My husband thinks its ok to never help pay any bills or even hardly work for that matter! Im sick of it. I get money from my business or fathers estate ect and he takes full advantage of it. He never intends on paying any thing! If I tell him to, he just ignores me. Keeps letting it go on and on. I dont think the woman should have to pay his way, that is unless she wants to. I dont want to! I would like a hiusband that wants to buy me things and take me out. BUT NOT ALWAYS ON MY MONEY! It make me look at him like hes a cheap skate! And a user! I mean he doesnt even pay his half of the living! We only have one son at home right now out of 5 children and hes 14. My husband moves in with everybody and NEVER PAYS HIS OWN WAY. If he gets thrown out he moves in with his older kids in there houses, and continues the cycle of using them! They feed him, give him a shower and give him gas money. Its pathetic. But see he knows that they have money too! And hes broke as a joke, and full of excuses and promises that will never come true. Maybe I can see it if the woman has it and helps him for a short while. But the short while has turned into years. And has made me pay the loans and all the together weve have created raising our 5 kids. It isnt a good story and its ending our 29 years of marriage together!
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Friday 03 October
By Pettit Family
I am the breadwinner in my home and my husband has been home for 8 years now. I have 3 sons, 2 of them in school full time and now a 6 month old. I realize the importance of having a parent at home to raise the children which is why we decided to have my husband stay home. Here is the problem. Money is tight and now he refuses to get a part time job because he would be too tired for the kids. He thinks that I should get another job. Also, he doesn't support my interest in career advancement as he says it will take away from family and he feels insecure about it and thinks I will be hit on by fellow managers. He offers NO support in that field and because of of we suffer. There is no time or money for us to go out and spend dates together. I feel resentful that he doesn't care about my feelings and won't bend. He is 40 yrs. old and could get a decent job now but that isn't important to him. I know that when the kids are gone (and they will be someday) we need to have something to fall back on and I wonder if it will be too late. If he was the breadwinner I would support him and yet men seem to try to hold on to the idea of being the man of the house and making the major decisions when we are ones sent out to work. It can be so disappointing.
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Friday 03 October
By J
I am the breadwinner in my house and I have mixed feelings about it. I like the fact I earn more just so I stay independent but at the same time I am not crazy about the fact that my husband does not earn anywhere near what I earn which would be fine if there were no other options out there but there have been and he feels comfortable with the staying where he is not wanting more for himself
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Friday 03 October
By sandy
Over the past 4 years the bread winner job has passed back and fourth between me and my husband. Although I love getting my hair done on a regular basis, he was miserable in his high paying job. For nine months, I lived with a man who couldn't handle much of anything becuase of the stress he was under at work. He would come home, either watch tv or play a video game then go to bed. If I didn't make sure he had something for dinner, he'd go without. When he lost it, I was relieved. To have the man back that I fell in love with means far more to me than who pays what and the other perks we had while he had his job. True, we'll have to cut back etc. but, I'm far richer now that he's not working than I was.
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Friday 03 October
By verano
I think it's great when the man can respect his wife enough and feel comfortable in his own skin to support his wife being the main breadwinner. But don't get lazy. The man must pull his share too. Too many men become TOO comfortable and think they have a sugar momma. At the end of the day, the man still makes more to the woman's dollar. I am female and have made more than my partner but I make sure he doesn't get too comfortable. As a woman, we are already doing most of the household chores, taking care of the kids,etc and the least the man can do is help. When you are the main breadwinner and do all those things, that is an insane amount of pressure.
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Friday 03 October
By gwhite5976
My husband and I have been married for 51 years. For 35 of those years I was the primary breadwinner. It is all a matter of how you consider marriage. To us it was a partnership. We both contributed financially and emotionally to establish a home for our three children. My husband was self employed and a lot of years his earnings went back into the business. I worked for a large fortune 500 company contributing the maximum possible to our retirement. We are now living comfortably on that pension. If you both pull together and watch the pennies, the dollars will take care of themselves. Oh, we also had frequent date nights to help remember why we got married in the first place.
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Friday 03 October
By Helen Craig
During the early years of our marriage, my husband was the breadwinner and we were both fine with that. I had always expected to earn less than him because that's the way it was. For the past 10 years or more, our roles have reversed. My salary is now 3 times what his is and although we could not make it on his earnings alone, he has always resented that I make more than him. We've been married for more than 25 years and have always shared everything including our money, all of which goes into the same bank accounts in both our names. We always consult one another before making big purchases and both have full access to all of our assets. My husband, however, still feels that I am supporting him and he actually thanks me when we pay for something he primarily uses/needs, (like car repairs!) I never think of it as "MY" money, but he sure does. I've tried everything I can think of to convince him that this is just not an issue for me, but he continues to hold on to his belief and his resentment. He doesn't even want to participate in any decision making regarding our investments or retirement funds because he says that's MY money. I continue to tell him that I need him too participate and can't do it alone. Then he relunctantly steps up. At this point, I just don't think he'll ever change. He must enjoy being miserable. Why do we teach our men to find their value outside of themselves? They will never find it where it isn't.
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Friday 03 October
By Barb
I have been an RN for 28+ years and earn more than my husband who has been a teacher for only 9 years. I make considerably more than he does, based on fixed pay grades for both of us. In addition to teaching HS, he also teaches at our local college. Even with him having 2 jobs (one FT, one PT), my FT salary is still more than his. For us, its not a problem, BOTH of us are working hard and earning as much as we're able.
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Friday 03 October
By jacki
I was a 12 year old girl when "women's lib" and bra burning was is full swing. I am underwhelmed by what is has gotten us. Women are still running the households of this country and now they're expected to bring home the bacon, too. Most hubbies are comfortable with it , alright. Too comfortable. Our daughters, meanwhile, can no longer expect any dating or courting or respect from their male peers, just pressure to casually hook up. Our lazy boys are now outnumbered by girls in college, to the point where it's an advantage to have "male" on the application.
It's so ironic: has there ever been a better time in the history of this country to be a guy? Or a worse time to be a girl? What happened to real men?
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Wednesday 31 December
By dblckvanessa
I can agree that it should not make a difference in who is the breadwinner. I was in a relationship of 10 years and I have a 6 year old from this relationship. In the beginning, my child's father was the breadwinner, but for the past going on 5 years, I became the breadwinner. I became unhappy with the fact that I should not have to pay everything because he is not contributing equally. I should be able to assert my independence and meet my partner half of the way. He would be on his job making much less than I was complaining about the job and the pay, but he would never make the effort to get another job and I got sick of that. As a woman, if I am with someone, I should not have to work more than one job to make ends meet when I am in a relationship especially when my other half is not making a conscious effort to meet me half the way. I can do that alone. Needless to say, I ended that relationship and I now I am in another relationship. I get more help than I was getting and I am also shown appreciation for what I do for myself and my son. I no longer feel alone in the situation.
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Sunday 01 February
By Rose
Me and my partner bought a house a year ago together, we put all our money together and pay for bills, mortgage, food etc. The only problem is, like those above me, i am the main breadwinner. I earn 15,000 more than my boyfriend a year, and i HATE it. I feel so resentful towards him because i am giving him money each week. He has a no responsibility dead end job because he doesn't have enough self confidence to move forward, and i feel, because its just so comfortable for him, why should he go out and get a better job when im topping up his wages with my own? I feel like i never have enough money to do what i want and it just makes me blame him and get more and more resentful towards him. I dont know if i am being unreasonable in my feelings, because we are a team, but we are not married although we have always said we will. I feel like if i didnt share with him then A) he will struggle very much so and B) i will feel like im being selfish. I am struggling alot in my own mind about it..
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