According to author and sex expert Susan Crain Bakos (link NSFW), about 65 percent of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm during sex, and 10 to 20 percent of women never peak at all. That's a lot of sisters not getting the pleasure they deserve. So Bakos developed "The Orgasm Loop," which she claims is "the no-fail technique for reaching orgasm during sex." Bakos has tested the loop (which is detailed in a book by the same name) on over 575 women, "with overwhelmingly positive results."
I was skeptical, as I'm usually not an advocate of the self-help genre. In my opinion, new-age sex tips are about as reliable as restaurant recommendations from a vegan. But two attempts in, and suddenly ...
Click here to read what The Orgasm Loop is and how it worked for Sadie.
Getting Turned On (by Wood?!)
First, the loop itself, which is a series of three pretty simple steps.
Step one: Relax and focus on your "desire image," something that gets you super turned-on. The image can be anything, even if it's abstract, except your lover -- according to Bakos, you need to be totally relaxed and into yourself, and we all know our lovers don't always make us feel that way.
I tried out a couple of images: First my own anatomy in an extra turned-on state -- Bakos suggested it, I swear! -- but that didn't get me as turned-on as I would have liked. Bakos also suggested a Georgia O'Keefe orchid (clichés 'R us!), but that didn't work either. The picture I settled on came to me unbidden: an abstract-relief wood carving of people having sex. Doing it eternally without stopping even if they wanted to? That's hot. So -- settle on your image, and keep it in your head throughout the whole sexual experience.
Imagining My Arousal
Step two: When you're sufficiently turned on, imagine all your desire as a concentrated ball of energy right below your belly button, and then mentally move it into your vagina (from within, no fingers yet). Then imagine a coil of lust at the base of your spine and move it through your pelvis to your genitals. Yeah, it sounds hokey, but as I was moving the ball and the coil I actually felt heat in my lady parts, and they definitely became more sensitive.
Breathing to Bliss
The last part of the technique is where the loop comes in: Breathe in and out while you do your kegels (those are where you squeeze your PC, the same muscle that stops the flow of urine). Clench as you breathe in, relax as you breathe out. By staying focused on your image, getting all the energy in the right place, and keeping this rhythmic breathing and flexing, most women apparently will come. I did -- and honestly, I couldn't believe it.
Not only did I orgasm, but the arousal felt different from most of my masturbation. I was aware of my whole body instead of just my genitals, and I felt like I had generated the desire from within instead of getting turned on from an outside source like a vibrator or porn.
The Bottom Line
"The Orgasm Loop" is illustrated with photos of a skinny, blond chick with genetically dubious breasts and lavender eye shadow. Despite the cultural insensitivity and overall fromage factor, I think the O Loop is intended for -- and certainly applicable to -- women of all ages, backgrounds and orientations.
Bakos intended the book to help women achieve orgasm during sex. Since this column is about solo sex, and since I'm enjoying it so much by myself, I'm going to keep the O Loop in my own hands. But if you want to take it on the road, please do -- and make sure to tell us about it in the comments.
Sadie Faye reviews sex advice and accessories each week on Lemondrop. Got orgasm questions? Is there a product or technique you've been curious about but want someone to try out first? Ask her in the comments or e-mail her.

















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Saturday 27 September
By Katrina
Okay, so that's great....but here's my question. Why is it that we keep getting more and more articles about ways that women can give themselves pleasure because "we all know our lovers don't always make us feel that way."? Why not a new article in every "Men's" magazine every time you turn around about how guys can finally do "Right" by their lady (or The ladies, if that's where they are) in the bedroom. Why does it always have to be about the woman taking responsibility for her own pleasure? I can assure you that the way most women see it, we've been socialized to believe that the MAN'S pleasure depends on us too! Sooo, I'm supposed to be doing this, that and the other thing to make sure that my male partner gets his....... ALL while I'm breathing a certain way, thinking of a certain image and imagining this "loop" of energy? I think that most of the time....I'll just do as the author is and continue "Enjoying so much myself." When it's time for me to choose someone to share myself with in that way, you can bet I'm gonna pick someone who can give me that big O without any special techniques or tricks.
Having said all that though, I will admit that the first time I heard the statistic of women who've never achieved that....I was stunned and I was also infinitely sad for those ladies. Taken in THAT vein, then heck yes....give them all the help you can think of and all the articles that they need. But, in the same token, I think that the articles I imagine that would direct men how to do that FOR their partner would be mostly about awareness and compassion as well as sensitivity and focus which could be the thing that the ladies who aren't able of have never had an orgasm need most of all. I just don't get why the "burden" is ALWAYS on the woman's shoulders, right up to and including your orgasm! If I've got to be the one to make it happen, then what's he doing there anyway? Oh yeah...because sex between to committed, consensual adults is the best thing since sliced bread and saying that...so is a partner that is just as committed to my pleasure as I am to his. All the really great men I know personally feel that they get their biggest joy out of seeing the lady their with experience pleasure. And for those ladies who aren't with a guy like that??? Start looking!! They exist and they're worth it....
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Friday 26 September
By orgasmless
you must be one of the lucky ones katrina. people that get theirs all the time dont understand what its like to never get it. im one of those women. the only reason i need a man is for companionship, so i see sex as the price you gotta pay to keep him interested in you. my friends always told me things like "you havent found the right guy" or "he didnt know what he was doing". I have been with a LOT of guys that claim they never had a problem pleasing their women. (i know it seems slutty, but i was only looking for my orgasm) i gave up the search, got married and had a couple of kids and being in a committed relationship did not work either. I got divorced after ten years... I guess he was tired of trying to please me. im now faking it with a new guy cuz i dont wanna be alone. i care about him but it makes me sad that he works so hard for my pleasure and he gets so upset when it never happens. i dont have a problem giving it to myself, since i gave up, its not about me anymore. now i want him to be happy and give him a sense of accomplishment. that is a lot of pressure on me and that alone makes it harder to come.
basically katrina, its mostly a mental block... one i cant seem to find a way to get over. at this point in my life i think sex is overrated and not important to a great relationship, but keeping your guy happy by making them feel important and good about himself really is.
Thursday 25 September
By Whitney
I just want to know who are the 35% of women that DON'T need clitoral stimulation to climax? Weird...
Reply
Monday 29 September
By nick
are you retarded? I hope your not a girl...
external as opposed to internal?
Thursday 06 November
By cassie
Those of us who have a spinal cord injury who perhaps cannot feel the clitoris, that would be the other 35 percent.
Friday 07 August
By Margaret
There are some women who can orgasm just by vaginal stimulation. So, I think that's what she meant by the other 35%. Lol, personally, I think that sounds like too large of a percentage, but who knows.
Thursday 25 September
By tt-rexxx
Richard Pryer had it right "I got mine you get yours" Besides if it weren't for sex and babies Women would be mounted on a wall.Why do you think men refer to a women as a throphy wife LOL
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Monday 03 November
By Raea
I wouldn't be saying that if I were you. Science is getting close to developing artificial sperm out of a woman's bone marrow. So soon it will be the men who get mounted on the wall...if we even keep them around at all, what with the new internal masturbation technique.
Friday 26 September
By www.roxyharte.com
Is there anything hotter than an orgasm caused by the power of the mind?
Wow
Reply
Monday 29 September
By Jay ~
Hey,
I'm one of those guys Katrin's referring too.
Guys just need to put in a little honest effort. That's all.
I've never had a WOMAN NOT climax with me. I always make sure she orgasms before I even enter her.
This makes it easier for them to PEAK with vaginal/penis sex.
Maybe it's just me though.
I'd feel like a loser if I didn't have her reach pleasure.
I'm a new age though. I'm only 26.
Give it a try guys!
Foreplay is the KEY!
Reply
Saturday 26 September
By suzy cambell
Can you plz. talk to my husband?!!!!!! It's pretty much pump and dump for me.
Friday 26 September
By Debb
. i dont have a problem giving it to myself, since i gave up, its not about me anymore. now i want him to be happy and give him a sense of accomplishment. that is a lot of pressure on me and that alone makes it harder to come.
>Have you ever tried using a vibrator along with vaginal penetration by your lover? You can go from behind, on your side or on his lap facing away, while he enjoys himself you can add to your stimulation by applying the vibrator to your clitoris. It is sensational and hot and most men LOVE it.....I am getting aroused just thinking about it!!
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Saturday 27 September
By Mary
Hey Jay! You are so right! My husband takes care of me first, then its his turn, he says it gets him horny to see me get off. Of coourse, we do things different sometime, but mostly like you said. Lucky girl (s) to have you!
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Sunday 28 September
By LouLou
Having Orgasm Probles ?? --- have me For One Night !!!
Reply
Thursday 02 October
By shelby
I agree with Katrina and Jay... There is a group of guys out there that aim to please and there is nothing better than finding one of those types. This is because sex becomes less serious and about foreplay and experimentation. I think that a lot of older men have a problem with pleasing women because of all of the taboo kinds of things that were excluded from their sexual routines when they were young men growing up. For example a lot of older men are less likely to give adequate foreplay so that the woman is turned on enough to reach her peak.
I also believe that because women are so eager to please men and constantly lie to them about how much pleasure they are receiving from them, Men just don't know how awful they are in bed. So to all the women out there FAKING IT, Please stop. You are not only hurting yourself, but you are hurting the woman that may have to deal with that man after you. If it does not work for you, don't grin and bear it, you need to direct and reinforce what does work. Get some courage and tell the truth. Don't try to be agreeable just to keep him around! Its not worth it! I have spoke to enough older women to know that such is just a waste of time and energy!
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Tuesday 07 October
By anna
sex is very cooland yo
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Tuesday 07 October
By anna
sex is cool you can
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Thursday 09 October
By Anthony
Sex dosent start in the bedroom it starts hours even days before you lay down the lumber. a predatory look, a wink and smile, a quick make out session before work, a lunchtime phone call were you vividly describe what you'd like to do to to her when you get off work. someone correct me if im wrong but these things build sexual tension so when its time to go to work with the weddin tackle she wants it as much as you do. most women need an emotional connection to enjoy sex and ultimately orgasm. so men we must use are brains and and creativity before we...... (insert clever phrase that means sex here)
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Friday 14 November
By Ir
I agree with you. That's so true.
Wednesday 12 August
By lynne
Boy Anthony you keep that philosophy and you will have the happiest partner for life. You are a man that truely gets it. Please spread the word!. You're my Hero!