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You probably give better advice than most paid advice columnists, right? Well, our token boy, Scott, is ready to take you up on that. Leave a comment with your advice.Scott's question: "For about nine months I've been having an 'affair' with a girl in my neighborhood who had an on-again, off-again boyfriend. I'm not proud of this, but I always figured that if she was willing to cheat, it meant her relationship was on its way out. Now she's officially broken it off and wants to pursue a more committed relationship ... with me. Would I ever be able to trust her? Is it a case of 'once a cheat, always a cheat' -- and how would I know that she wasn't leaving my bed to hop into someone else's?"
Ladies, let's help him out. Should Scott give his neighborhood squeeze a second chance?
About our Charity Case: Scott's been single for three years and is ready to start dating someone seriously. He's obsessed with books, unpretentious French movies and riding his bike. He has two tattoos, likes cats and is an editor at Anthem magazine.
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Tuesday 16 September
By Vanessa
Hi Scott,
I think you should definitely give her a chance. I was in a similar situation and we ended up dating seriously for 2 years. You are obviously very into her, so why not see where it can go?
Best Wishes,
Vanessa
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Monday 22 September
By Middle Class Married 25 Years
SCOTT! You are pointing a finger at her, but maybe you should take A LOOK IN THE MIRROR DUDE!
YOU ARE A CHEATERS, BECAUSE WHEN YOU HAD THE "AFFAIR," YOU PARTICIPATED IN WHAT SHE WAS DOING. YOU ARE GUILTY DUDE!
How's sloppy seconds anyway?
Wednesday 24 September
By Errca
Dearest scott,
Dont be so desperate, just wait for what you think is right. If you are comfortable with it, tell her you're down to date and hang out but youre not willing to fly with only her just yet, keep your options open and find someone you dont have these kinds of questions about. It will give you time to chill with her and make a decision if you really wanna get seriously involved or if you want to persue something with someone else you meet. The world is a big place man.
Tuesday 16 September
By jill
definitely...once a cheat not always a cheat!! but have the conversation with her and see what her reaction is...
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Tuesday 16 September
By Urban
I'm a dude but I'll say this much...
Don't go for it. You're karma is already screwed my dealing with someone who was already in a relationship. Move on and clear your karma of the residue of the relationship. Make good with the universe and perhaps you'll find someone who isn't such a cheat.
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Tuesday 16 September
By heidesha
I can say from experience, I have had a few boyfriends, and I have only ever cheated on one. Basically this happens when you are suffering a long distance relationship, or the more likely scenario suffering the close proximity of someone you are in a relationship with but are just really, really tired of having sex with. In either case, you are forced to test out what some other action would be like before you make the leap out of of the old co-dependent relationship right into the new one. Sounds like you could be the new Mr. New and Shiny? If you like her go for it, 90% of relationships fail anyway, having one with a cheater doesn't really change the odds much.
Sincerely, H
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Wednesday 01 October
By Caitlin
No, he shouldn't bother. It doesn't matter whether he could ever trust her, the problem is that nowhere above does he even say that he wants to be in a committed relationship with her!
He's scared of commitment, or he wouldn't have been messing around with a girl who's taken in the first place. Now that she's set her eyes on him, he's already looking for an excuse to bail.
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Wednesday 17 September
By GM
Outstanding answer, Caitlin! Look behind what they say to the real message: he is looking for an unavailable woman because he doesn't really want a commitment. Who knows what she is looking for?
And BTW, there is no such thing as an "unpretentious French film" so that's another unicorn he is chasing!
Tuesday 16 September
By di
no, it wouldn't work because you already have the doubt about trusting her so no matter how sincere she was you'd always have doubt. and that doesn't make for a good relationship.
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Wednesday 17 September
By Jane
Defiantly go for it Scott; you deserve what you will get.
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Wednesday 17 September
By emilymccombs08
If she had any sort of honor, she would have ditched the bf when she realized she had feelings for you. I say don't go for it, because if it took her 9 months to break it off, she just doesn't like you that much.
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Wednesday 17 September
By Dovecote
I say give her a chance. If you're going to hold it against her because she cheated, then you have to blame yourself too. It takes two . . . Doesn't sound like she had much of a relationship with the BF anyway.
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Thursday 18 September
By Georgia
I think the first place to start would be the old "on-again, off-again" thing. That right there is always a huge red flag for me. If this girl was at all stable to begin with, she'd have the wherewithal to know when to call it quits.
Secondly, a girl who will cheat on her boyfriend, grey-area or not, doesn't sound like someone who's really, truly ready for a committed relationship. I've had my share of crappy relationships, but I've never cheated, and would end the relationship if I really had that urge. Sounds like she needs the attention of a man, and you're feeding it to her.
And last, I hate to say it, but are you sure that you're ready to be in a relationship?? Because a guy who doesn't think he deserves a girl who puts stronger values on a relationship than this girl seems to, doesn't sound like someone who can bring much to the table.
Cheating is ugly, and it says a lot about a person who would make a decision to do so. If you date her, don't be shocked when she does the same thing to you.
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Friday 19 September
By becca
hey scott...
i agree whith "urban"'s comment...it says you have been single for a long time..and i know that it sux to be lonely...i have an older brother in a situation like yours..and you kinda look like him so it caught my eye..but he always seems to pick the wrong girls becuase he desperatly wants a serious relationship with someone..and his lonliness gets to him alot.. but that girl sounds just like one of the ones that he usually dates..and trust me its not worth it....at all. there is someone for everyone..all you have to do is wait..patience honey patience..i know its hard..im still waiting for my prince charming : )
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Friday 19 September
By Lisa
Don't you realize that you got INTO the relationship with her as a cheater?? You were apparently attracted to someone who was already into a relationship and was being unfaithful. WHY is it that men who pick these women to mess around with then turn around and wonder if it'll be done to them in return? Don't you know there's such a thing as carma? This woman is someone who doesn't think twice about cheating. On him, you, anyone. She is a cheater. Was when you met her. It's in her moral fiber. It's her character. Duh!
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Friday 19 September
By Cheri
Scott,
Why not give it a try she didn't lie about the situation from the get go so you were just as guilty as her . I figure you were into each other and maybe it can work out. Lokk at it from her situation it was probably pretty hard on her and that's why she fell into your arms in the first place.
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Friday 19 September
By Mark
Scott, you are in a precarious position. You know all about her background and yet you went forward. Now you are asking if she can observe a "standard" that you don't observe yourself. Such a double-standard always means problems ahead. Take a good look at yourself and then make a decision. The question is as much or more about you than it is about her.
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Friday 19 September
By lynn
My Dad cheated on my Mom when I was a kid. Of course it lead to divorce... The point is my Dad married her a couple years later and they have been together now for 25 years. Every relationship is different. Give it a chance and see if it works for you. If it doesn't work just move on and find someone new.
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Friday 19 September
By Daniele Vargas
The only thing I can tell you is that if you are questioning whether you should start a relationship with this chick, that should be your answer. If you're not sure, then don't. If you have doubts, listen to them.
Keep it casual. let her know why. Because I agree, once a cheater always a cheater.
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Friday 19 September
By Paul F. Lucas
Hi Scott, This is a relationship that you should NOT pursue. If this girl had any sense of morality she would have ended her on-again, off-again relationship before getting involved with you. She needs time for closure and some serious time to think about what she's doing. If she didn't have the courage to end her relationship all by herself, and used you as an excuse to finally move on, then that's pretty sad. Don't waste your time with this person. You'll only get hurt. When someone better (in her eyes) comes along, she'll do the same thing to you.
And I must also point out that you're an idiot for getting involved with someone who was already in a relationship. Why would you have an affair with someone who is sleeping with someone else?
Dump this little slut before she dumps you or gives you a STD.
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