Lemondrop

Wondering how your ability to quickly click a button compares with the rest of the worlds'? Even slightly interested? We promise, it's actually pretty interesting.

Human Benchmark tests your reaction time by requiring you to click once the box turns green, then compiles your average results to let you compare yourself with other users. The average reaction time of users is 215 milliseconds. After a... umm... few(ish) tries, we managed to get to a somewhat respectable 284 millisecond average. Try it yourself and post your average in the comments!

Tell me: Are unemployment benefits enough to get you through this Great Recession? This column is, after all, called How to Get Laid ... Off. And, as many of you know, I was laid off on Black Tuesday.

I'll tell you one thing: They aren't enough for me. And I'm a full grown adult, with -- as they like to put it during tax season -- zero dependents.

Though I have taken a few freelance gigs, I haven't been able to find permanent, full-time employment since my job went belly-up. I'd like a fun position at a cool company with benefits. The American dream. I'll settle for just about anything at this point. Mama's got bills to pay, and they ain't gonna pay themselves.

The Senate recently passed a extension on Unemployment Benefits by the skin of its teeth. Senator Jim Bunning (R-Ky.) alone stood in the way of what many Americans consider a last lifeline between themselves and homelessness. That's scary. If that extension hadn't been passed, millions of Americans, like me, would have stopped receiving benefits in the coming week. And I've already hit rock bottom.

Like vintage styles? You'll love Erin Hagstrom, 27, the creative force behind CaliVintage.com -- a blog that walks the line between vintage and cutting edge. The California native has made blogging her full-time job -- thanks to her business know-how (she's also a part-time business student) and her vintage-scouting skills. Here, Erin shares her top 10 must-haves: From killer Swedish platform clogs to a hat Marc Jacobs sent down the runway -- at a price you can afford.

There's a new beauty line coming out ... at Payless Shoes. Would you get your makeup products from the cheap and trendy retailer? (MomLogic)

DIY recipes for a spa day just all to yourself. Ahh, bliss. (CollegeCandy)

An interview with the director of "The Hurt Locker" gives us insight into Kathryn Bigelow's Oscar-winning film. (MarieClaire)
A chef in Manhattan is marketing recipes for cheese -- with his wife's breast milk as the main ingredient. Gross! (Babble)
According to a recent survey, your racial and ethnic background may affect your sleep patterns. (Health)
That dress, that speech -- if you weren't obsessed before, you just might be now: 10 reasons we love Sandra Bullock. (TheFrisky)
All images from linked blogs

"Saturday Night Live" is so hit or miss lately – we especially didn't like their criminal underusage of Zach Galifianakis when he hosted last week. But one thing we did dig -- Will Forte's "Women's Herstory Month: Did You See What I Did There?" song.

In it, Forte runs through a semi-informed list of notable ladies. "Nancy Pelosi: Government. Emily Dickinson: Books" and "Miss Piggy, Talking Pig," he trills, while noting, "Good job women, enjoy the month of March 'cause that's all you get!" Um, thanks? Enjoy!

I need help.

For too long I've endangered my good name, made an idiot of myself and generally debased my own character on a daily basis.

Because of breasts.

No matter how many breasts I might see or how many I'm lucky enough to touch, the second they're gone, I forget what they looked like, felt like, and I become inexplicably, dark-magically obsessed with them again. It's like I have sensory amnesia. Oh, look at that woman's wonderful breasts! I wonder what they look like?

Because, really, they aren't impressionist art. They all have the same basic components, yet as far as I'm concerned, each pair is a set of snowflakes, their likeness never before seen and never to be seen again.

Like old family secrets regarding Lebanese back accounts and tax fraud, breasts have haunted me. In so many of my decisions -- what train car to sit in, which tax agent at Jackson Hewitt to use, whom I date -- breasts have been, ridiculously, the deciding factor.

Every time I step outside my front door, I'm subconsciously indexing all the important things I need to be aware of. Cars, buses, cabs, anything that moves and could break my spine? Check. Where I'm going, how to get there, and what time it is? Check. Is that dog poop on the sidewalk? Yes. But the remaining percentage of my brain? It's focusing on breasts. If it's between catching a train and taking an extra 10 seconds to stare at the top half of some woman digging in her purse for her cell phone, I'm missing the train.

It has to end. I must become Spartacus to Breasts' Rome. Here is my plan.

Actor Corey Haim was found dead in his Los Angeles home of an apparent accidental overdose. He was 38 years old. So sad. (Popeater)

Students at the University of Rochester have improved on Taylor Swift the only way possible: adding hot gay dudes. (via BuzzFeed)
Adam Yauch is restarting to work on a new album, entitled "Hot Sauce Committee, Part 1" with his fellow Beastie Boys, following a battle with cancer. Cue "Where Brooklyn?" cries around the world. (via StarPulse)
Based on this Funny or Die video, it appears as though Heidi Montag has a sense of humor, which kind of makes up for her complete lack of any other sense. (via PopEater)
Tim Gunn sounded off on the Kardashian sisters, saying, "[They] have an absence of taste and I don't think that that should be perpetuated." (via I'm Not Obsessed)
(Images: Getty)

If you were an ice cream flavor, what ice cream flavor would you be? Well, if you're "Dating Game" contestant Rodney Alcala, probably the kind that kills people. The swingin' bachelor and convicted serial murderer appeared on "The Dating Game" in 1978 -- after he'd already been convicted of sexual assault. Even creepier? He won. Bachelorette Cheryl Bradshaw selected Rodney as her dream date, but we're guessing it didn't go well -- within the next year, Alcala brutally murdered five people. This past February he was found guilty of the crimes and currently awaits sentencing. (CNN)